Underpants are Optional

Yeah I know. NEGLECTFUL. What of it?

2006-06-26T17:42:00.000-03:00

So a couple of people have been buggin me a bit to update. Sadly, I have done nothing interesting. No wait, I did go to Calgary to see my nephew! That was a good time. He's super cute. You can see newer pics of him here. And the west coast is a nice change from Ontario. There is a certain something that hits you when you get there. Maybe its the mountain air, maybe its the manly eau de' sexy coyboys, who knows? (Okay I didn't actually see any sexy coyboys, but they have to be there somewhere). Everyone who lives in Canada should visit the East Coast for the Ocean, and the West Coast for the Mountains. Because if you think Ontario is Canada, you be wrong, yo!

Other than that, I have been preoccupied with trying to find yet another dress for another wedding. Weddings can be fun right? Sure they can, when you are lucky enough to find something decent to wear. I am not one of those people. I shop and shop, and I buy, then I return, then I regret returning, and re-buy. Then decide I was the right the first time, and return again. I am so indecisive when it comes to clothes. Its hard being me. Which reminds me I have to book a flight back from NS. You see, I am recapturing my childhood by driving with my mom and dad to Nova Scotia. In the car, for that loooong time, I may be slightly insane. But I'm cheap, and now I only have to book a flight back as I am only going for the weekend, and they are staying longer. I decided not to go longer, on account of not having the best time last summer. My sister will be there too, with Nolan. YAY! Now chances are, I'll have a blast and be pissed at myself for not staying longer. But that's the way I roll.

Hmmm..what else is new? Oh I went horseback riding for the first time ever. It was fun. I liked the trail ride. Mostly the horse walked nicely, pausing for snacks. But it hurt like a mo'fo' during the whole trotting part. I was cursing not wearing a sports bra. Or duct tape. Seriously could have given me black eyes for crying out loud.

Anyhoo, I hope this meets the requirements for posting that my sister gave me. I'm sure I'll hear about it if it doesn't.

t-out.

I can't help it...He's just so cute

2006-03-24T20:23:00.000-04:00

Here's a couple pics of my brand new nephew, and the brand new mommy!

Here's Nolan!

2006-03-21T19:55:00.000-04:00

Here he is folks! Isn't he just the sweetest?

As Any True Irish Lass Should

2006-03-17T09:37:00.000-04:00

My sister had her baby!! A bouncing baby boy, born this morning, March 17th!

He is (though I haven't seen him yet) a scrumptious delight! How could he not with two such gorgeous parents?

Nolan Hollis Riley
6lbs, 14 oz

Mom and baby are doing great! I'm so proud of Tanya, she was a trooper! I can't wait to see my new nephew and as soon as I get some pictures I'll post them!

Later,
Auntie Tracy (god that sounds good!)

Excited!

2006-03-15T23:49:00.000-04:00

OMG! My sister is being induced. As I write this she is getting ready to make me an Auntie. (How kind of her!)So this time tomorrow I should have a wee little nephew. YAY!

My mom and dad are headed to Calgary tomorrow, they booked their tickets ages ago, with the plan that they'd be there about 2 weeks before her due date. But here she is, being all IMPATIENT, and delivering early. LOL. My mom is beyond excited, so I hope they arrive in time. I know she wants to be there for the birth, and my sister wants her there too. Anyway, I wish I could be there, but its just not possible. I will settle for a visit in the near future so I can hog the baby! I'm off for now, with news tomorrow. I promise!

t-out.

I'm just doing my part for public safety

2006-03-02T21:19:00.000-04:00

Folks, Beware! There is a saleswoman at Burlington Mall who will assault you. She is vicious! Sure she was all smiles while I was looking at all the new Spring fashions. She offered to help me out, carried my choices to the fitting rooms, ran and got me a different sizes. She was great. And then, oh how she turned. As I emerged from the fitting room to see the pair of pants in the mirror, she asked me how I liked them. When I responded that I thought they might be a little low and tight, she responded by reaching over grabbing the waistband and pulling up. The mere force of her action made me lose my balance a little, but even worse, the woman gave me a damn WEDGIE. Who ever heard of the wedgie as a customer service technique? Well I'll tell you. It worked. I totally bought the pants. I had to, actually, seeing as they were quite firmly rammed up my arse.

I just thought you should all know. Be careful out there.

Oh the shame.

2006-02-15T17:41:00.000-04:00

God I really do suck. But whatever. Thanks to Aimee's blog where she has publically outted me for being a bad blogger, I am posting this whilst at work, where I have much important work to do, but will take the time to blogaroo - just for you. OOOh see my rhyming, (how do you spell that friggin word???) I am a talented poet.

Lets see, I went to see The Boyfriend on Saturday. And before y'all get excited

(especially my parents, because I swear they must be growing tired of my pathetic spintster ways, and secretly thanking their lucky stars that my sister got knocked up, because god knows they would have to wait years for a grandchild at the rate I'm going.)

Its a play, a musical actually. And it was fantastic! It was full of jazz hands and tap dancing, and fun costumes, and most of all, SINGING!! Yay. For those who don't know, the story is about a girl and a boy. DUH! She is rich girl attending finishing school in Nice. He is rich boy but pretending to be a poor messanger, so she pretends to be a poor secretary so that he will love her (because everyone knows poor people belong with other poor people). But they both don't know the other is rich and they fall in love. Of course, their signals get crossed and there is the nail-biting moment: Will he come to the ball, will she forgive him his lies? But of course, they both come clean in the end and live together forever, fabulously wealthy.

I love how musicals make being poor sound so wonderful and romantic. Shacked up together in a one room apartment in knitted caps eating stew. All you need is love and all that bullshit. What about food and heat? What about subscriptions to Cosmo? And movies? That costs money people!

Theresa and Andrea and I were like the youngest people there, it was a sea of tight white perms, glistening under the lights. And well, you know how I love the oldies! It was all I could do, to not nudge them along trying to get out of the damn theatre. And the old people perfume smell was a little much. But I survived. I am a trooper damn it.

After the play, we went back to Andrea's and we had cheese fondue. YUM. But I found out there is such thing as too much cheese. It was totally worth it though. I miss fondue, when I was a kid our family used to go to this couple my parents knew, Rick and Louise. All I remember about them is having fondue. Well that and watching the Ewoks movie. Weird what you remember about people. We probably had fondue there one time, but it my memory it was ALL THE TIME.

Oh and I took the Go Train in so I didn't have to drive, and on the way home there were tons and tons of drunk people who had just come from the Mapleleafs game. Lucky me, sat behind an obnoxious girl who called everyone "bitches" and told her friends to "suck her dick, and suck that guy over there's dick and your mothers dick" She was a classy lady. I saw her when I got off the train, and she was this little blonde thing, in stilettos and a hockey jersey, yelling into her phone for someone to "suck her dick". Fun times.

Later bitches, suck my dick. (you know what, that does sound CLASSY).

T-out.

Blast from the past

2006-02-05T14:39:00.000-04:00

Look at her. Look at that body! This is 10 year old Tanya. This is the Tanya that used to think every secret I was keeping from her, had to be about maxi pads. This is the Tanya who got into my Noxema so she could feel all growed-up. And yet to me, this still feels like the Tanya that is all growed-up and having a baby! So CRAZY.

T-out.

Aright. I'm back. Quit yer whinin'

2006-01-26T20:32:00.000-04:00

You know when you buy a gym membership and you go religiously for weeks and then you miss a day, and the day turns into weeks and then months and then you give up? Yeah sorry, that was me with blogging. But I'm back y'all! I promise I won't stay away so long. I can't take the guilt you've been leaving in my comments. Too bad I ain't got much to say....

Lets see,
I found a new wine I like. Well its not really new. Its a Reisling which I drink all the time, but I found this one called RELAX and I had to buy cause hey, I like to relax. Basically I just like wine. Yum.

And I'm doing some resoluting...But I didn't want to jump on the whole New Years Resolution bandwagon so I waited till just last week to decide I'm going to lose weight and exercise more. Pretty clever eh? So far I have eaten healthy for a whole week. Yay! Wine is healthy right? Well it is important to RELAX. And I bought some pilates DVDs. I did them once last week and I hurt my bum. Doing the AB workout. Not quite sure how I managed that one but I think I'm recovered enough to try it again. And of course I've been trying to be more gangsta than Snoop, so far i thiznink i am doing well fo all my homies in the pen. I have written mah own R-to-tha-izzap, held up a liquor store, an pimped me some Ho's.

Ooh, and UPDATE! My sister is like 31 weeks preggers! I'm going to be an Auntie before I know it. Wish I could rub her big ole belly though. Why must she live so far away. wahhh. I think I will send her a cyber rub. While I'm here I may as well also send a cyber rub to Brad Pitt. But a different kind, okay? wink wink.

Well I should go get my brocoli steamin' I promise I'll be back real soon.

T-out.

Fo Shizzle

2006-01-03T17:59:00.000-04:00

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Be more ganster than Snoop Dogg.

Get your resolution here

Frankly, Thats Just Unrealistic: A Kong Review

2005-12-17T14:44:00.000-04:00

I went to see King Kong this week. On opening night to be exact, Wednesday, late show. Not one of my better ideas since the movie was like, 3 bloody hours long, but I like to get out, and going to the movies IS one of my favorite things to do, so I went. Going to a long movie can be uncomfortable because of the whole bum-numbing, knee-locking, bladder-filling experience that comes from being confined in a small space with giant beverages. This one was a little like that, but not as bad seeing as I was pretty tired it starting at 10 and all. But like I said, I like going to the movies, so I sacrifice comfort for seeing a movie on the big screen, which is so much better.

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'm not giving anything away when I say that King Kong is kind of an ill-fated adventure/love story between a giant ape and a pretty actress. The King Kong island has a lot of crazy-ass things, like crazy-ass natives co-habitating with Dinosaurs and giant fanged bats and FUCKING HUGE INSECTS. Anyone who knows me, knows how friggin terrified I am of bugs, spiders especially, but bugs that are bigger than people just ain't right. If you are scared of bugs, you'll have your eyes closed, for like 20 minutes at least. I closed mine for 30, for good measure.

But here's the part that was really unrealistic...
When King Kong and Ann are back in New York City, they head on up the Empire State builing. Ann is wearing a satiny white sleeveless dress (she looks totally great). By the way, its December. Its really cold there. Women are dressed in fur coats and hats, men are in long wool coats and scarves. And Ann is in a sleeveless satin dress. Now granted, King Kong probably has pretty warm fur, so like when they are all cuddly, she is likely quite cozy. But when everyone is trying to kill the ape, and he leaves her on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, it just doesn't fly with me. She should be turning blue, her hands should be sticking to the metal rail of the ladder, her dress should be up around her waist from the wind, and frankly, I don't care how padded the bra is, her nipples should so be poking out.

I went to New York City the first week of November last year with my friend Theresa.

(Side note: Remember Theresa? Remember that one time when we were in New York, and we went to the Empire State Building? Yeah, that was cool. )

Anyway, yeah we went to the Empire State Building in November, and it was bloody freezing up on the observation deck. There was ice everywhere, it was super windy and it was at least 10 degrees cooler up there then on the street.

So it just burns my... burns my what...um.. BUNS? Is that the right term? I don't think so, but whatever, it just seemed so unrealistic and over-looked.

WHAT? Oh yeah, THAT. Okay Okay, Yes I do realize that the movie was about an undiscovered island with a giant ape, and dinosaurs and man-eating bugs and all that, which of course is not really very realistic either, but still. With all that time invested in making the the creatures look they were really running around in the jungle, you'd think they could have added some blue lips and hard nipples to the poor girl with no coat stranded on the top of the tallest building in New York. Seriously.

T-out

PS. I did actually like it well enough. And I did get to have a little cat nap during the buggy parts. So if you like action, big creatures trying to kill humans, A big ape trying to get busy with a human, and an apparent lack of chillyness in New York in the winter, then this is a good one.

T-out

MTV presents Newlydivorced

2005-12-08T00:02:00.000-04:00

Nick & Jessica are over? NOOOOOO! Say it ain't so. Well damn, if they can't make it, who can?

2005-12-02T18:09:00.000-04:00

One more thing.

When I was driving to work this morning, I look over to my right and there is a Cab next to me. The driver is holding up a magnifying glass to his eye. Does anyone else find that terribly alarming?

T-out.

To all my Bitches!

2005-12-02T17:34:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! You are persistent aren't you? I'm here. I'm alive. And I'm at work late on a Friday afternoon. Boring eh?

Now that I've gone and gotten myself a new job I've been all busy and shit, trying to like manage people. Whew, its been a busy couple of weeks, but its totally worth it. My high life includes: an office with a view, my very own bookcase full of things I'm supposed to know about, shoulder-padded power suits, my minions bringing me scones with homemade strawberry jam and tea every morning... oh wait. That last part doesn't really ring true. But wouldn't it be nice? Hint hint to all you worker bees, managers like scones. and tea. Oh and the shoulder pads? Not so much there either. Apparently I have an abnormally small head* and shoulder pads would totally eat up my head.

Last weekend I went to Aim's (Hi Amy!) and played Scene It? I was totally drunk. I don't know it happened. Well I know HOW it happened, but I really didn't drink that much. Did I? Hmmm I had a couple glasses of wine. No prob. I had a couple of shots of Kaluha or Baileys or both. Okay. And a beer. or two. Nope, don't know why I was drunk at all. Remember when you could drink like a fish? A big pitcher of Long Island Ice tea and 4 double Rye & Cokes, then beer? 'member? Yeah me neither. For awhile I was a tequila girl. I would saunter up to the bar and just drink shots of tequila. It impressed the boys. Now, however, tequila has me fighting to keep my stomach from coming out my nostrils, which is equally impressive, just not in an attractive way.

Well I'm starting to fade out... I have to come in tomorrow and I'm so not looking forward to it. Ick.

Good night my Bitches!

* My head is small. Its short, like me. I can't find a hat that fits me to save my life. Seriously. If I had some sort of terminal illness that could only be cured by finding a hat that fits, I would die. Are earmuffs in fashion again?

Wooohooo!

2005-11-08T19:43:00.000-04:00

Hi y'all! Guess What? I gots me a promotion at work! Isn't that great? Yay! I'm like, going to be MANAGING people. I'm excited. And nervous. And scared. And Oh fuck, now I'm all sweating. Nah, no really I'm looking forward to the new job and bossing people around. ha.

And five completely unrelated thoughts:

1. I'm going to be an Auntie. My little sister is preggers and I'm excited. NOW. I've always been excited FOR her. But at first I was feeling all sorry for myself cause I'm the older sister and I'm just not in that place right now and maybe I should be, yada yada. But Now, I'm excited for me too. I'm so gonna be the favorite Aunt. There will be major baby spoilage, I will kick those other aunt's asses! Sorry Mark's sisters. No wait, I'm not sorry, bwwahhaha. Good times.

2. I hate KD commercials, especially the one where they talk about how nutritious it is? WTF mate? Essential nutrients? Right. Isn't it bad enough that there is an obesity problem in North America due to fast food and pre-packaged foods? You probably have to eat the whole damn box to get enough iron or calcium to matter, and in doing so you consume 50 grams of fat. So disgusting. Trailer park moms do not need another excuse to feed KD to their kids everynight. Ugh. That is not to say that I don't eat it once or twice a year, but I ain't kidding myself on its nutritional value.

3. I used to bite my nails and I've been really trying not too. But I really want to. Also I find that I can only concentrate on one willpower thing at a time. Like right now I am trying not to bite my nails, therefore I cannot stop eating food that is not good for me. See #4.

4. Chocolate is the devil, but I'm so buying what he's selling. I can't stop eating mini Halloween bars. And mini brownies that our Admin Assistant keeps bringing to morning meetings. Plus I wish it was Easter so I could get Cadbury mini eggs. RIGHT NOW!

5. Why can't my parents win the lottery? I don't play regularly myself (only when the jackpot is really big and I get all caught up in the lottery fever), so I really don't think I can wish for a win, but they play all the time. It would be really nice. I'm just saying.

Outta here.
T.

The Move

2005-10-31T21:29:00.000-04:00

Its been a busy couple of weeks. This is my hectic time at work and I've been working late and stressed over that. And at the same time, my parents have been dealing with THE BIG MOVE. I went and helped out this past weekend and lets just say, my parents deserve huge props.

See, my Grandparents have sold their home. The family home, the only home my grandmother has ever known. And it has been hard on everyone. They are understandably upset, but the time has come for them to move to a smaller and more manageable place. But with this decision, comes the clearing out of 50 to 75 years worth of stuff. My grandmother has lived there since she was 3 or 4, and then her and my grandfather were married and raised their kids there, my mother the third of five.

My parents moved closer to them a couple of years ago, and since then its been them who my grandparents call for everything. My mom cleans their place, my dad fixes leaks and cracks and electrical things. My mom takes them to doctors appointments, which over the last year has been VERY frequent. And now, with the move, its my parents who have had to arrange everything.

Now I love my grandparents (despite my bitching about old people), but they are not an easygoing pair. They fight. And they fight often. My grandfather grumbles about something, my grandmother raises her voice, my grandfather yells back and so on and so forth. So with all this upheaval in their life right now, that fighting is magnified by a hundred. And my grandfather is not being pleasant to deal with. He has accused my uncles and my dad of stealing his things, things as small as a screw driver, which is not, you may think, made of gold. He wants noone to have anything of his. My grandmother gave my uncle a fan, but my grandpa took it back. Even though the place they are moving to has A/C. He refuses to allow them to throw out junk, and I mean 50 year old rusty pieces of junk, saying he paid for them so he's damn well keeping them. Its a struggle. And neither of them seem to realize that they are moving to a 2 bedroom apartment. They are holding on so tight to their things, wanting to pack chipped dishes and broken lamps. My mom and I packed 50 empty jars the other day. EMPTY JARS! And for what? My grandmother has not pickled anything for years, or made jam, and she will most definitely not being doing so in future, but they will not let it go.

And while we all sympathize with their feelings, it does not an easy move make. I was kind of sad seeing the house. I remember going their every summer when I was a kid. Me and my sister would play in my grandparents bedroom for hours with these little ceramic birds. And we played checkers in the living room and ran around in the backyard, finding neat things in the old garage. So it is sad and overwhelming. I just hope once they are all moved in to their cute 2 bedroom apartment, they are able to feel at home, but until then, a couple of days from now, I fear there will be many more tears, arguments and hurt feelings.

To my mom and dad, I say good luck, stay strong! And BYE to Chestnut Street.

Oh NO!

2005-10-18T21:14:00.000-03:00

Well now I've done gone and become my mother. I just muttered "You know what you should do" to a co-worker. My mom's most favorite saying! We always laugh about it. Next I'll be shopping at Northern Reflections.

Mind you, who wouldn't want something as fancy as this?

This reminds me of one Christmas, I think I was about 16. My family went to my Aunt and Uncle's and young cousin's for the holidays. I was going through the typical teenage "I'm going to wear black and be all anti-establishment" phase. Plus I decided that week I was going to wear a touque, like, ALL THE TIME. Even inside. It was this black thing with an orange stripe. Whatever. Anyway, we head off to their place for Christmas. My uncle teased me as usual, but that's him, and he's funny as hell. CRUDE, but funny. So Christmas morning we are awoken at friggin 530 am by my cousin! Gasp. My family are not like that, even Christmas morning we're sleeping until 8 or so. But I digress, he was only about 7. Actually my sister and I had the worst sleep ever anyway, sharing a waterbed that the heater had somehow come unplugged so that we woke up with frozen kidneys and felt awful.

My cousin starts tearing into the gifts without a nod to who gave it, or show & tell about the gift. Which again, is so not my family. We're very one present at a time, then show, talk, give hugs, refill our Baileys and coffee again, move on to the next one. Actually I say one each but that doesn't include my mom, the gift giver-outer. Who every year gets so excited distributing gifts that she never opens hers and then we all have to sit and watch her at the end. And we get annoyed at her cause we suspect she just wants all eyes on her! (I jest because I love) Ahhh traditions.

So I come to this gift, which is from my aunt and uncle. (I don't know if they read this, but I think enough time has passed so...)It was a bright turquoise sweatshirt with hot pink trim. It was hideous! I wouldn't wear anything like that, and let me remind you that I was wearing black and sporting a touque. Of course, what do you do? You smile and say "it looks cozy" and hope next year she realizes that teenagers do not like the same thing as, um, 5 year olds. But actually she doesn't, in fact she looks to the elderly for inspiration and the next year you get a yellow sweater with flowers on it, which you lie and say is too big.

So yeah, if you are going to buy me a Christmas present, I say you can't go wrong with DIAMONDS!

T-out

What's a HooDoo?

2005-10-13T21:24:00.000-03:00

For all who asked what a HooDoo was: A hoodoo is a pillar of sediment carved by wind and water erosion. Because the underlying rock is more susceptible to the forces of nature, it erodes more quickly than the cap stone.

See how Nerdy I can be?

Fashion Police: Lessons Learned on Flight 103

2005-10-13T20:30:00.000-03:00

Hi y'all I went to Calgary for the Thanksgiving weekend to visit my sister and we had a blast! I saw me some dinosaur bones and everything. Here are some fashion faux pas I noticed on the plane.

Disclaimer: I am no fashionista. I may or may not follow trends, but I think I can recognize the good, the bad and the ugly. A teensy weensy bit catty too.

Lesson #1 Track Pants with a MESSAGE
Okay. Women with, how shall I say it? Um, Expansive posterior, should NOT wear track pants with sparkley "Princess" on the rear. You know what? Scratch that, women over the age of 12 should not wear track pants with "Princess" on the rear, or other such bold statements like "Diva" or " Cutie" or "Angel" for that matter. This woman was about 35. Not only did the P and the S get lost on the sides, but the N and the C were swallowed by crack of the arse. When you have a big bottom, why would you want to draw the eye there? Unless, yes that's it, unless she was an ACTUAL Princess!No other princess I know tell people they are princesses by having it printed in sparkly writing on their bottoms, but hey maybe she is a new princess and wasn't sure if people knew that yet. Good plan. Hmmm but wait a minute. Why would a princess be flying cheapy Canjet? Seriously, there is NO leg room. And you have to pay for water for crying out loud. I would have a thought a princess gig would pay better, huh.

Lesson #2 Trench Coat Pockets
This one is hard to explain. Young, pretty otherwise nicely dressed women should not sport trench coats that have GIANT pockets on the back. On the back people! Located where your bum is like huge pants pockets. First, why do you need pockets on the back of your coat? What would you put there? Like if you put some money or your keys back there, not only could someone steal it, but everytime you reached for something, you'd look like you were copping a feel on your own ass. Second, why so large? And with such large buttons. They were so hideous. And pointless. I guess her saving grace is that she didn't have a big booty too, or else, whoa.

Lesson # 3 Chinless Men
Making a change from clothing to um, grooming: Men with no chins should not shave facial hair into a beard shape in an attempt to give the illusion of a chin. Yeah, so I figure having no chin must suck. But I also figure anyone with EYES can see that you have no chin, so it might be better to just embrace your chinlessness, instead of trying to be all fooly fooly with your facial hair. He was standing in front of me in line to get on the plane and it was just so distracting. When he talked, the facial hair just bounced around where his chin should be.

So yeah, as I said above. CATTY. As my co-workers say, I'm "Tell Like it Is".

T-out

Addicted.

2005-10-04T17:46:00.000-03:00

Work is making me fat(ter). I cannot stop eating junkfood. Its like a serious problem. I had a meeting at work this morning and there were refreshments. There were muffins, danishes, two-bite brownies, cookies and tim-bits, apple juice, orange juice and coffee. I had an apple juice, a cookie and a brownie. It was 8 am. I had already eaten breakfast.

Skip to lunch. I had a veggie soup, a nice healthy choice. And a Snickers. There is a snack stand next to the bathroom on the main floor that we have to use right now because the one on our floor is being renovated. So I of course I got a chocolate bar.

Skip to 3pm. It's someone's birthday. At my work, when it is your birthday you bring in the snacks. And believe me, you better bring something good. It can be vicious. Once someone brought in some Chinese bean cake and there was nearly a riot. But really, can you blame us? A bean cake? ICK. Mind you, it was cake, so I did try it. and it was not tasty. Anyway, back to today, I was so not hungry but it was some raspberry coconut bar concoction which looked yum, so I had some. Now I totally feel disgusting, and disgusted (with myself).

So why do people hate me? Couldn't they just start bringing in nothing but Banana Cakes or Banana Cream Pies? That is the only way I can resist. I keep posting notes around saying BRING IN BANANAS! But people don't listen, they bring in german chocoate cake, butter tarts, cheesecake, nanimo bars and other tasty goodies. Bastards.

T-(rolling herself out of her chair)OUT

A tag even I can do

2005-09-29T23:14:00.000-03:00

I've gotten tagged a couple of times and I haven't done any of them. Sorry guys! But this one's easy peasy.

Here are the instructions:

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

This is from my post Mostly Smiles.
May 4, 2005

My kitty likes the balcony and has had some good times rubbing her body all over it(whatever - its cute).

I tag: Tanya; Theresa; Heather and because everyone else seems to be taken...whoever wants to.

That Ad is Whack YO

2005-09-29T14:09:00.000-03:00

Yeah so have you seen the Tampax tampon ad, the one in the boat? Um, EW.

In case you haven't, here's the lowdown:
Boy and Girl are on a canoe in the middle of a lake having a nice romantic date. Then, gasp! There's a hole in the boat (dear Liza, dear Liza). As the boy looks frantically around for something to fix it, the Girl reaches into her gargantuan sized purse which houses a full box of Tampax Pearl Tampons and plugs the hole.

She plunges that tampon into the hole. Talk about a mood killer. The guy, however seems unfazed. Quite icky really. And as my male co-worker commented, guys so do not need details on how the plunging and plugging work. Hell I'm a girl, and I don't really need the visual thanks. And who carries a full box of tampons on a date? Its like wearing a sign that says, "Yeah I know you went through all this trouble to set up this romantic sail, but you ain't getting any SUCKER!"

If you haven't seen it, and um, want to, check it out here.

Jury's Still Out

2005-09-28T19:56:00.000-03:00

Well haven't I been a neglectful bee-otch. I'd like to say its cause I've been busy, but alas, its just cause I've been lazy and boring. ugh. But anyhoo, on with the post:

So I watched Amazing Race Family last night. At first I was totally against watching, you know cause I HATE when then ruin perfectly good shows by turning them into dumbed-down, family-friendly crap. I want drama, I want back-stabbing, I want pure "do-anything" competition. And yeah, I was right, Amazing Race is starting out less than stellar. But I may or may not be hooked. Like a train wreck, I may not be able to turn away. I'll let you know if I'm going to be injecting this shit like heroin.

So here are some observations/critiques:

1. Like, this is totally a North American Adventure. What a rip-off. I mean I'm all for exploring your nation, but America looks pretty much the same all over. The other Amazing Races were so exciting because they were in places where English wasn't spoken, or that there were no white people, or the culture was so far removed. It took people out of their comfort zone. Quite obviously there isn't going to be the fast forward that has the family members shaving their heads or eating monkey brains. Disappointing.

2. There are too many people to get to know. Having four people run and talk all at once is just annoying. Plus there are kids. Blah. Kids are cute and all, but its just so "look at our kids, they can run faster than adults, they are small and can fit in our pocket, don't talk shit around our kids, don't push my kids out of the way" Annoying. I heard most of the challenges were going to be educational in nature, you know, for the kids. Some of the families are just down-right irritating. Their screeching and "cheerleading" made my ears bleed. "I made cookies!" are you fucking kidding me?

3. The Black family was indeed black. I know its wrong, but I totally almost peed my pants. When they were first introduced, I was like, as in a TOKEN black family? What's next, this is the Mexican family? Then, Oh, their NAME is Black. Ha.

4. Phil, the host, has the craziest arched brow EVER.

5. They are making a Pope movie.

6. That last one had nothing to do with Amazing Race, I just saw it on Entertainment Tonight and thought it was kind of silly. Are people really THAT interested in the Pope's life? Maybe it be a Catholic thang. Yeah I'll probably watch it.

So its started, I'll let you know next week if I tuned in. Sometimes I just can't help myself. I'm a TV junkie. Well more like a TV slut. I like to go from one show to another, there are only a couple of shows that I keep going back to, and a lot I've seen only once. Honestly people, this is not saying anything about me, like, in my LIFE.

later,
T-out.

Friday Night Cosmos

2005-09-18T16:31:00.000-03:00

Friday was my friend Tree's Birthday so we went into Toronto to a friend's place for some homemade pizzas, garlic fingers, cake and of course, plenty of BOOZE! Cosmos to be exact, and they were fabulously yummy.

I love getting together with the girls for a night of chatty and drinky, its so fun and this Friday was no different. At the risk of giving men too much information on the habits of drunken women get-togethers (for the last time boys, we RARELY have naked pillow fights!)I must wonder: Whatever possesses us women to discuss hair removal of the bikini area with such intimate detail, as to render us incapacitated from laughing so hard. Always with the bikini wax, why oh why?

I wonder if men sit around and chat about similar issues, a bad case of jock itch for example. I imagine something like, "Hey man, hand me another Bud. Yeah that chick has a great rack, but did I tell you about this new cream I found? Its like, the BEST for jock itch. Put some on when you get out of the shower, and it so totally reduces irritation. Its awesome! And it's on sale right now at Shoppers for 25% percent off." And its met with enthusiastic nods, laughter and agreement by the others.

I can totally picture that, can't you?

By the way, an award should be given to Tree for "BEST HAND GESTURE TO DESCRIBE A BRAZILIAN", you know, like IF there was an award for that.

Good times had by all. Special award to A's boyfriend for not DYING of embarrassment.

T-out

The House! The House! The House is on Fire!

2005-09-14T21:45:00.000-03:00

When I got home tonight, there was a fire department SUV and two cop cars outside of my apartment building. "Interesting" I thought. It was eerily quiet, there wasn't the usual throng gathered out front smoking. But then again it was raining, and well I figured that if there was something on fire, then there would be like a fire truck, and alarms and firemen. But when I pulled into the underground and then walked into the basement, I could smell smoke. As I got up to the 7th floor, I figured everything was cool. My apartment was fine, even though it did smell a bit. And my landlord must have come in because all my windows were open, to air it out I guess.

Then about 20 minutes later there was a knock at my door and a cutie* fireman (not in the gear or anything)came to get my statement. I just got home, says I. Then he proceeds to tell me that there was a fire in a 6th floor apartment, that it is totally destroyed, and the woman inside has burns over 50% of her body! So scary. I didn't ask what happened, like if it was cooking or candles or smoking, but needless to say, it has me a bit freaked out.

What if the fire had spread, and destroyed the whole building? What about my kitty? What if it had happened at night when I was here and I was trapped? It was only one floor down afterall. And I don't have apartment insurance, but I am so getting some now.

My place doesn't smell much now, so I think its okay. And I hope that woman is okay. Terrible shame that.

Everyone have a good safe night now,
T-out

* Damn, what is it about firemen? Bloody H-O-T this guy was. All muscley in his
uniform and a smooth bald head, and dreamy eyes(bedroom eyes my mom would call them).
He asked if he could come in, or would I prefer to talk to him in the hall. Such a gentleman too! Of course I asked him in, then asked if he could just check my bedroom to make sure there was no damage and then I threw him on the bed and ravaged him. Okay so that last part wasn't true, but wouldn't it be better if it was? Yeah I thought so.

I hate it when that happens...

2005-09-09T22:35:00.000-03:00

I saw this on the back of a car today:

DICK IDE

I'll just let you mull that over for now.

Seizures, Rants& Accidents (is that too broad?)

2005-08-31T19:49:00.000-03:00

My T.V. is doing this crazy rapid flashy thing between the show and snow and it is so totally giving me seizures. Fun! I've got a spoon next to me just in case I have to shove it my mouth to prevent the swallowing of the tongue.

Today was one of those days, you know? When everyone is just so annoying. Your co-workers are buggin ya, especially the "little man". Driving me crazy with his conference calls and inability to speak to clients ALONE. Gasp! Whatever dude. And then clients getting all up in your grill about the price of gas and my bugging them with emails when if they would just, I don't know, RESPOND for once, I wouldn't have to keep bugging them to make a decision, because frankly if I could predict where exactly the market is headed, I wouldn't be working for the man, I'd be chillin' at my mansion, eating bonbons while watching the hot pool boy clean my pool. But damn if my crystal ball has done gone and crapped out on me, so fuck off. whew. Just one of those days, I'll be alright.

In good news, today I got new car insurance for cheaper! yay! I hate that insurance rates are so crazy high. And my present insurance company would not give me a break even though I have gone 6 years without so much as a ticket. I say six years, cause well, although I've had my license for ages, I did have an accident almost 7 years ago where I totaled my car. A mere 2 weeks after buying it. I was devastated! But not hurt, and the truck I hit hardly had any damage and no one was hurt there either, so I guess that's something.

Well I'm off to torture myself on the stability ball - hoping to get some visible abs!

T-out.

"Honey, I'm headed to the store,where are my Daisy's?"

2005-08-27T22:37:00.000-03:00

I'm feeling blue today. Yeah yeah I know, BORING. But whatever, its my blog and I want to be down and depressing.

But one thing did make me laugh, and then say "EW EW EW!" I was at the at the plaza renting a movie for tonight, cause its Saturday and I have no friends and I suck. Anyway after I rented Bride and Prejudice (for some reason I thought a movie about happy people in love will make me feel less depressed - yeah i was SO wrong). Anyway as I headed to the grocery store to buy California rolls and pineapple and diet coke*, I see this man in jean shorts. Yup. A MAN IN JEAN SHORTS! I know what you are thinking, "what's so gross about that?" But my friends, these were like short shorts. Like Daisy Dukes short. Like, his balls were visible short shorts. I am not kidding here. As he was getting into his car, his teeny weeny shorts were like, sliding up his leg, and there was a full-on-view of his unit. And people, NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE THAT. Also what made it more funny, was that this guy was all muscular and built but looked like a Dad or something and his shorts so totally had to be lady shorts. I wonder if it was a dare?

Anyhoo, I'm going to take my sorry-ass self back to the couch to watch infomercials. Its okay to feel sad for me and my patheticness. I understand.

* people always make fun of my food combos. I don't really care. i like what i like when i crave it so there.

T-out

Naked Traffic (just because I wonder if there are people who will google that and end up here)

2005-08-26T17:44:00.000-03:00

Remember that game you play when you are drunk and you are with your friends, called WHAT IS WORSE?

You know, like what's worse, Sleeping with your tenth grade biology teacher who spittled when he talked and was always grabbing at his package OR, standing naked at a busy bus stop outside the mall?

Well today, I know what's worse than sitting in traffic boxed in by transport trucks. And it is sitting in traffic and being boxed in by one transport truck carrying pigs and one carrying horses, with a stench most powerful and dirt flying from them at your car( at least I HOPE it was dirt) and a car full of hot guys on your left who just totally caught you belting out "I would Die For You" by Jann Arden AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS.

And by the way, I would totally pick the sleeping with your teacher. Because really, you could deny deny deny. Who would believe him? But at the bus stop, you can't deny you are naked.

T-out.

Tuesday MishMash (be warned - nonsensical thoughts ahead)

2005-08-23T22:15:00.000-03:00

Something I NEVER ever wanted to see on T.V. - Tommy Lee in a Speedo. MY EYES! Oh how they are bleeding. Can someone tell me what the point of the whole Tommy Lee goes to college show is? I unwittingly found myself watching (mostly cause I'm too lazy to go grab the remote off the sofa as I write this) and it makes me so sad that this is what television people come up with. What's next? Axel Rose Goes To Med School? And, doesn't this school have prerequisites for taking Chemistry or Physics? Cause um, I'm pretty sure Tommy Lee wasn't a science wiz in high school, like, 20 years ago, especially since he can't tie his own shoes. But hey, whatever trevor.

Random hate: I hate telemarketers, especially ones from my credit card company.
"We are calling select customers with this offer of extra protection?" Select customers my ass, only us stupid enough to answer the phone and actually admit we are who we are and not the babysitter.
"No interested". Not only not interested, but don't give a shit and am not listening. Tommy Lee is in a speedo so basically I am hearing blah blah wonk wonk, as my eyes bleed.
"But Miss Sloan, as you know, accidents can happen at any time, and this extra protection can help with unexpected costs associated with an unexpected accident. Yeah Yeah, what the hell are is he talking about here? Besides the fact that he pointed out that the accident would be UNEXPECTED, you know, as opposed to the accidents you expect, but just let happen anyway, for shits and giggles. But what accident? Peeing my pants? Well Visa need not worry, I have stocked up on UrineGone. My OWN extra insurance, for only $19.95!

Anyway, I have to go floss my teeth for a few hours. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning and I have about 6 months to make up for not flossing. Do I honestly think I can fool them? Of course!

T-out.

I could have thought of a better way to wake up this morning

2005-08-15T20:02:00.000-03:00

Like waking up with some hottie snuggled up next to me, or my maid bringing me breakfast in bed, or it still being Sunday. But alas, I do not live in that world....

My alarm went off this morning at 7 as usual, and I snoozed it twice as usual. But alas, it was 7:19 and I really needed to get up, so I fly outta bed. (well maybe not FLY, it was Monday morning after all). Anyway, I did kinda jump outta the bed, and then mere milli-seconds after my right foot hit the floor, I felt an excruciating pain in my foot. Jumping around on one foot, I see that I have stepped on something, and that something is now IN MT FOOT! Its so far in, I can't tell right away what it is, and I have to use my nails to pull it out. It was a staple. The rod part, there weren't any bendy parts. It was one of those thick, Ikea- packing- cardboard staples. I bought end-tables last week, so it must have come from there. All week it lay in wait, plotting, organizing its attack. It avoided the menacing vacuum on Saturday. Clever little bugger. And managed to hide itself when I was picking up bits of paper that the vacuum missed. So sneaky. Of course it was waiting for Monday. Its the perfect day.

And so, after a restful weekend, and feeling pretty good this morning (well feeling good in the 30 seconds I lay in bed before the staple attacked me), up it goes into my poor foot. OUCH! The weirdest part though, was that after I pulled it out, I felt really light-headed. You would swear I was gushing blood, like that time I was attacked by a saw. But there was no real blood, a little bubble, which once wiped away didn't come back. But I hopped in the shower, and I thought I was seriously going to pass out. And then I thought about how embarrassing that would be, to pass out bare ass naked in tub, hit my head on the taps inflicting upon myself a major head wound, and then die. Alone. In my apartment. And where my cat would end up snacking on my body because noone was there to feed it. I heard cats do that. Anyway, to save myself that fate and to be able to look at my cat in the face without imagining her wanting to bite into my thigh bone, I shut the water off, and just sat in the tub for 10 minutes until the feeling passed (smart eh?). Anyway, it did pass, and I am alive, foot and dignity in tact.

Happily, I have nothing to show for it. No scars or anything. Mind you...how do you know if you have tetanus? Naw. I'm sure I'll be fine.

T-out.

I guess I should look into getting me some bran

2005-08-11T22:26:00.000-03:00

Don't you hate it when you say something out loud, loudly, at work ,and what you say is actually a couple of sayings combined into one?

Yeah, me too.

Today I was getting all frustrated because my computer was not cooperating. When a co-worker asked if I needed it to do something specific, I meant to say either A) I don't care or B) I don't give a crap. Instead I loudly stated:

I DON'T CRAP!

cool.

Hey! 1998 called and they want those faded in the bum jeans back

2005-08-10T17:26:00.000-03:00

What is it with those jeans? Why doesn't that trend die already. I saw a very pretty girl today in an adorable purple top, but adorning her booty were these jeans that had the faded bum. It looked like she had just sat in bleach . And it made her bum look big. Now granted, I was walking into Walmart at the time, and that could explain A LOT. And I myself am certainly no fashionista, but come on! However, if Sienna Miller can wear what she wears and people call her a trendsetter even though the clothes she is wearing are from the NO ONE WILL BUY THESE EVEN IF IT IS HALF-PRICE TUESDAY bin at the Goodwill, then hey maybe I should run out and get me some faded bum jeans.

Anyway reason I was in Walmart was to pick up pictures for that wedding I went to in July, and they turned out good considering I had forgotten my camera at home and had to use a disposable. I had taken "scenery" pics too of Halifax, and they didn't turn out as good since it was cloudy and rainy. IF i had a scanner I would show you, but I don't so I won't.

And I can't get the song "Jerimiah was a Bull Frog" outta my head. What up wit dat?

t -out

I am an Island

2005-08-05T11:55:00.000-03:00

Wow. Okay. So I pretty much stand alone as far as creases in pants go. But I'm always willing to try out new things, so I shall have to give it a go and see if I feel classy. And if they make my legs look longer well then...

Next week I shall sport creases in my black dress pants. Feel free to compliment me if you see me.

T.

The Best Stress Reliever is Fudge. And Booze.

2005-08-03T21:27:00.000-03:00

Been a while eh?

Usually I don't talk about work for fear of getting "dooced" and all, but I do have some news that I shall share. A couple of weeks ago I interviewed at a competitor. I told my boss about it, cause we have that sort of working relationship and she was saddened, and wanted me to stay. Obviously. I mean I DO rock the party. Anyway, I was offered the job, but my current company really wanted me to stay. But they couldn't give me any figures before the weekend So all weekend while I was at my mom and dad's I flipflopped, and made Pro/Con list after Pro/Con list imagining different scenarios and was still undecided. My company came through yesterday with an offer I liked. But I still had to decide. Can I just say that I HATE making decisions as it is. I can't decide between eating cereal or toast most mornings, so it was hard. But ultimately I decided to stay. And I am very happy with my choice. I do like my company for the most part, and believe I did the right thing. All the big boys at my office came up today to say how happy they are that I am staying. Nothing like a little stroking (ego that is). So yay!

On another note, I went to my parents for the long weekend and it was fun (apart from the job stressing). My auntie and uncle were there too, so we had a blast playing pass the Ace and drinking coolers and wine and Malibu Rum. Good times had by all. My mom made this absolutely yummy broccoli salad with all sorts of crazy things in it, like bacon and raisins and sunflower seeds. SO Delicious my friends. And my mom made her famous lemon squares AND fudge. Damn her and her f**king-fantabulous-fudge. Its so good I can't stop eating it. Everytime I passed by the dish, I grabbed a piece. Fudge is good y'all.

On Monday I got a shitty pedicure. Note to self: Do not get a pedicure in Chatham at the strip mall by Zellers.

Oh and another Note to self: Do not let dad iron your pants even if he does it without you asking while you are out getting a shitty pedicure and you are all delighted when you get back to see your blouses and tshirts neatly pressed, but then upon hanging the pants you find a military crease in them so sharp it gave you a papercut. I love him for ironing my goods, but no amount of ironing has removed that bloody crease. And I don't think anyone has told him lately, but creases are NOT COOL. Lately? what am I saying, have they ever been cool? But I love him for it. Who else's dad would iron for them without so much as an ask?

Well thats all folks.
T out.

Boblo A-Go-Go

2005-07-26T23:02:00.000-03:00

I woke up at 5:27 this morning. I hate that. But I had cramps, and I had to overdose on Advil and put a heated magic bag on my tummy. Which is really kind of annoying when its 30 degrees in your bedroom and you've gotta put something HOT on your body. Anyhoo, this was my first thought:

What ever happened to Boblo Island?

Isn't that retarded? I'm pretty shady in the memory department, but I do believe I went there a few times when I was a kid and visiting my grandparents. Its an amusement park located (I think) somewhere between Windsor and Detroit on well, an island. I probably thought it was the cat's ass when I was a kid, but I looked it up on the internet and it looked kind of lame, and closed down in 1993. Why didn't I know this? I feel so out of touch.

I used to love going to amusement parks, but then always freaked out on the roller coasters. And I would scream at my sister for MAKING ME GO ON THIS DEATH TRAP as we rounded the first hill, and then shut my eyes, close my mouth and try to keep my stomach from Alienizing out of my throat. A couple of years ago, my sister came to visit me and wanted to go to Canada's Wonderland. Nova Scotia does not have an amusement park, they have Upper Clements Park which is so pathetically sad, it makes me weep.

We head off to Wonderland and she bee-lines for some retardedly big coaster with hills and loops and scaryness. And as chicken as I am, I act all brave and shit, and find myself strapped in next to her as we head up the hill and I scream at her for MAKING ME GO ON THIS DEATH TRAP, and she's all like "why don't you scream when you are actually on the ride, dumbass, it will make it feel better" So I start screaming before we even reach the top, a little early, but still. And you know what, she was so right. I loved it. It must be because you are releasing instead of contracting. All I know is I love roller coasters now! Thanks TAN!

Oh except for Stand Up roller coasters. Scary? Not unless you don't think being VIOLATED repeatedly by a bicycle seat for 3 minutes is scary. Tres uncomfortable.

T-out.

Urine Idiot

2005-07-21T22:20:00.000-03:00

Okay, I just saw an infomercial for a product most odd.

UrineGone.

It eliminates pee odors ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE. Okay, why are you letting people pee all over your house?

Here's a testamonial "I Love Urine Gone!I bought it earlier this year; works great! will buy again but they need to sell by the gallon" Excuse me, BY THE GALLON? Oh and it comes with a blacklight so you can "find" the pee. Good times.

Here's a crazy idea. Stop having pissing contests on your living room carpet, then you won't need to spend $19.99 + $7.95 shipping and handling to get that urine gone.

I'm just baffled.
T.

Wine(ing)

2005-07-17T12:49:00.000-03:00

I have a wee wine headache. So worth it though, cause I loves my wine.

A friend and I went to Niagara-On-The-Lake yesterday with the intentions of going on a winery tour at Hillebrand and just chilling in a pretty town. We missed the tour because we got caught up in the boutique area, picking out corkscrews and wine and longing (a little too long) for the really fun picnic-wine sets. But lets face it, I haven't been on too many picnics lately so what the hell do I need a romantic picnic set for?

Pause for a bitter singleton break.

Okay. So anyway we missed the tour but bought some nice wine. But we noticed that there were WAY to many kids there. Why on earth would you take kids on a winery tour? There is no play area. There is only vines and barrels and wine tasting. So ridiculous.

Kid: Mommy! I'm Bored.
Mom: But look at this, isn't this bottle neat?
Kid: I'm thirsty. I want a drink!
Mom: Sorry honey, this is for grown-ups.
Kid: WHAHHHHH. (as kid runs around like a maniac)

Yup. Perfect for the whole family.

But that area is so beautiful, a really lovely drive along the Wine route and the town is too cute. Ritzy Titzy as touristy towns tend to be, but great spot for a walkabout.

As I write this, it is thundering like a mother! I love a good summer rain, we so need it.

till later
T.

I slipped on my Pants! Honest! Why the interrogation?

2005-07-11T23:11:00.000-03:00

Ouch. I hurt myself. I fell down on my arm on Saturday night at my Aunt's 60th Birthday party. Now its very bruised and scraped and it hurts. I'm such a wimp. But really, its quite painful. And though you may be thinking that I fell down cause I was drinking, its so not true. Well, its true that I was drinking, and perhaps the fact that I had a couple could have contributed, but I think I would have fallen if I was sober too. Definitely, Well...Maybe.

Anyhoo, I had taken off my shoes to dance and that made my pants too long so when I had to pee, and the toilet was in the basement of the place we were at, I went in my bare feet, with my long pants and I slipped on my pants and totally baled on the cement. Oucharoo! Oh and before y'all get grossed out thinking I was walking around at a bar or something in my bare feet, we were at this crazy hall in a museum, so it seemed pretty clean, and well I was drinking, so...

When I was in High School, I went drinking with my pals on the weekends, and since we were all underage and not resourceful enough to get fake ID's, we would drink outside. Chasing vodka or gin with a can of 7-up or Coke. One pint + One Can of Pop= Falling Down Drunk Teenagers. Good times. So this one time, it was rainy and gross and cold, and I was wearing my usual drinking outfit; Black hoodie, jeans and Docs. We were drinking in a crematorium. Classy eh? I was leaning against a tree and after drinking my mass quantities of liquor in just under 17 minutes, I proceed to take a jaunt around the stones. Well I took about 3 steps, stumble and fall flat on my face in a huge pile of mud. I was covered from head to toe. Did I go home to take a shower or change my clothes? HELL NO. I would have been so busted. Plus it was really funny.

So the next morning I come home, shove my clothes in a bag in the back of my closet. I decided I would wash them during the week when my parents were at work. No harm, no foul, No bust. But I sort of forgot about them. They WERE in the back of my closet. Until a week and half later when I came home from school, and my clothes were clean and folded on my bed. SHIT!

Mom (quietly): Why were your clothes all muddy? And why were they in the back of your closet?

Me (um not so quietly) OH MY GOD MOM! WHY ARE YOU SEARCHING THROUGH MY STUFF? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU? WHAT ABOUT MY FRIGGIN PRIVACY? WHAT ABOUT TRUSTING ME FOR CRYING OUT LOUD? GOD! I JUST FELL ON MY FRIEND ERIC'S LAWN. HIS PARENTS HAVE A SHITTY LAWN? IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE MY FAULT? JESUS."

Mom: Next time can you put your clothes in the hamper please.

Me: FINE.

Gotta love my Momma, She knew I was a shit, but let me do it anyway. And well, I would have done it whether she liked it or not. If I ever have kids, the teenage years will be the years my parents get their revenge.

But as I said before, this particular fall was from my long pants and uncoordinated feet, not the fact that I was drinking. Honest! GOD! THE HALL FLOOR WAS SLIPPY, IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE MY FAULT? JESUS! MY ARM HURTS, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

t -out.

Back from Hali (like Cali, only Foggier)

2005-07-05T21:15:00.000-03:00

So I spent last week in Nova Scotia, and I'm finally posting, so stop bugging me y'all!

They say you can never go home again, and sadly I have to admit that may be true. While I still love Nova Scotia, it was definitely a different feeling being back. And my parents are no longer there, so I felt kind of homeless there. But here are the things that I enjoyed about my trip in no particular order:

1. Ocean - The smell of the ocean (which you can smell as soon as you step outside at the airport), and the taste in the air from the salt, and the waves crashing.
2. Scallops! And Mussels! YUMMY
3. The waterfront. I love walking along the Halifax waterfront and in Historic Properties
4. Seeing friends I haven't seen in ages and ages.
5. Kaiser subs. By far the best subs anywhere. And its in the fantabulous Bagtown (official home of fastfood and gas stations).
6. Seeing my sister. She was in a wedding, and looked great!
7. The wedding of Jen & Marc. The service was lovely, and the reception was suprisingly fun considering I knew about 3 people there (and they were in the wedding party). Tons of dancing and laughs.
8. "Some Hot", "Some Rainy", "Some Busy" Gotta love the East Coast lingo.

Things I miss, but didn't get to do, and feel a bit disappointed about:
1. Sitting on a patio (like Lower Deck, or Fife & Drum or Split Crow)having a beer and listening to a great Maritime Band.
2. Peggy's Cove.
3. A Donair. Nothing says lovin' like greasy meat on a spit.
4. Seeing more of the people I haven't seen in ages.
5. A drive, like down to the South Shore or to the Valley.

Anyway, I had some highs and some lows. But I'm back now, to my humdrum life and hot apartment.
T -out.

Reason 167 I'm Just a Little Bit Crazy

2005-07-05T20:53:00.000-03:00

Today I had some lovely green grapes. They were so good. Juicy, and so tasty. Then as I'm reaching to pluck the second to last grape from the bunch, I see a spider! ON. THE. GRAPE! In a panic, I squish the spider with the grape, and proceed to dispose of the tainted fruit. Then it hits me. There was a spider on my grapes. What if it laid eggs in a grape that I already ate? What if those eggs are ready to hatch? What if my body is about to become a host for a very large family of arachnids? And I am not joking here when I say, that I was actually feeling VERY anxious. My finger tips were numb.

Now normally, I would know that stomach acid & lack of oxygen (thanks for the reassurance all!) would be an inhospitable environment for any insect. But when I see a spider, all logic flies out the window, and I can't stop thinking about them. So Of course I had to poll my co-workers on the likelihood of what I imagined to be an Alien-like hatching of spiders out of my gut. And I had to email my friend. And they all told me the same things. One: you are crazy. Two: No that isn't going to happen. So I feel a bit better. A BIT.

So totally going to have nightmares tonight.

T-out.

Hey Mr. Tally Man, Tally Me Banana (or the post where I talk about why Banana's are the devil's fruit)

2005-06-23T00:06:00.000-03:00

I don't like me no bananas. Or carrots. (And before you go thinking that I have some Freudian fear of all Phallic-shaped foods, I don't okay. In fact, I adore cucumbers or zucchini).

But I don't like bananas. I detest them. I don't like the smell. I can't even say that I don't like the taste, because I haven't eaten a banana since I was a small child. I can't even remember when I stopped eating them. I once made a roommate remove bananas from the kitchen cause I could smell them. I don't like banana-flavoured things either. And other than a most traumatizing incident, I shall call it The Curse of the DAMN Tasty Dreamy Cream Soda, not so much as banana-flavoured lip gloss has come close to my mouth.

The Curse of the DAMN Tasty Dreamy Cream Soda
Here's the lowdown. It was my friends Joanne and Rob's wedding reception. The reception was held at a bar (as was the wedding for that matter), and so there was a magnificently stocked bar. More importantly, there was a wonderfully accommodating bartender, who, when I stumbled up to the bar and asked for something "pretty and yummy" to drink, he obliged with his speciality. I can honestly say it was one of the best drinks I have ever tasted. So needless to say, I got ridiculously drunk. In fact, to draw attention to my inebriation for years to come, I proceeded to sign the bride and groom's guestbook SEVERAL times throughout the evening. While, I'm sure the first entry of " Congratulations, I am so happy for you. Best wishes for a wonderful life together" was much appreciated, the latter entries, of "Rockin party guys, holy fuck that guy in the blue shirt is hot, who is he?" were less so. Yes IN their guestbook. I am not proud.

Anyway, after my 10th Dreamy Cream Soda, I slink up to the bar (yes SLINK - After 10 of those, I'm feeling pretty sexy). I wanted to know what was in the drink, you know, so I could make them at home. Wonderfully accommodating bartender is happy to tell me " something, something, something, banana liquor, something, something" BANANA? I do not remember the other ingredients, so don't ask. Everything he said pretty much went out of my head after my fragile world crumbled. I think I may have cried. I couldn't even taste it, and it scared me.

I have never had another. Partly because I have no idea how its made, and partly because I had a terrifc hangover. I was sick. It was the banana liquor see? Its EVIL. Obviously it was the banana that made me sign the guestbook nine times. And well, I do have some principles.

Now, the reason I brought up my loathing for the Yellow phallic fruit, is that I have noticed the following:
When you tell someone you don't like a particular food (and they do like it), they get offended. As if you were attacking their character.

I myself, am so guilty of this. When someone tells me they don't like red peppers, I'm all up in their grill about it. "What? Why? How?" My sister detests seafood. And hell ya, I'm offended. But I think that its warranted. I mean we grew up on the east coast! Shrimp, Lobster, Mussels! What kind of freak doesn't like seafood? (sorry sis - you know I still love ya!) The other day, I asked my co-worker why she didn't like Oranges or something (Because well, I like oranges, and if you don't well then you got problems), and she says to me all dead-pan "Um, the taste". And I guess that pretty much sums it all up doesn't it? We have different taste.

And even though sometimes we get tricked into consuming something we hate because its disguised in a sugary, boozy package, it all comes down to taste. And I don't like bananas. So there.

T-slo out.

And in Other News....

2005-06-16T19:32:00.000-03:00

Well haven't I been terrible bad and not posted in AGES. Not much has been going on, so here were the highlights of my week:

1. Got a Pedicure. My toes are delicious hot pink color and my feet were crazy soft, well at least for the first few days. I want another one already because I so loved having someone massage my feet. Though, having some tiny Chinese lady rub my feet while I sat high on a chair made me feel just a teensy bit bad. I'm hoping she enjoys her job and wasn't forced into rubbing feet for a living. I can't say its something I'd be too into.

2. I went to a work meeting in London (not the cool one in England, but the lame-ass one in Ontario). The meeting was boring, but they had yummy food afterward. There were jumbo shrimps and mini quiches, and meats and cheeses and prosciutto wrapped melon, and kebob things and meatballs. Quite a spread. Obviously their company has oodles of money. Maybe I should go work there....

3. I awoke Wednesday morning to the sound of a car crash outside my apartment - looked pretty nasty. The cops and Ambulances (thats "Am-Bu-Lance", not "Am-Blee-Ance" - hee hee wink wink -love you!) were still there when I left for work and I had to take a detour.

4. I bought 2 black skirts for that wedding I'm going to, now all I have to do is decide which one I like. I know I know, they are black skirts, what could possibly be THAT different, but I like to turn small insignificant decisions into GIANT life changing ones, so sue me.

5. My co-worker and I had a big chuckle over getting work uniforms made for our department, that were velour leisure suits that had things like "I've got GAS" and "I'm Flaming" on the back. Did I mention my co-worker is a guy? (Oh and I work in the Gas industry - NO, Not THAT kind! ) Anyway, maybe it was a had to be there thing, but shit did we ever laugh. Good times. I like to drag my co-workers into my zanny world. Its pretty easy, I am Very persuasive. Honestly, though, wouldn't you think that's cool? And so comfortable.

6. Tomorrow is Friday. nuf said.

Anyway, I'm off to eat my Pizza.
T.

So I just Knocked Off Data Entry. Who could Blame me? The AC Ain't Working.

2005-06-07T22:24:00.000-03:00

You know its hot when you just spent the last 2 hours sketching designs that somehow affix a personal fan into your underpants.

So yeah its hot. And I'm a complainer. Perfect Combo! Now if only my welfare office would get the fucking air conditioning fixed, I wouldn't spend the entire day plotting the deaths of all my co-workers who are stealing what little stale air I have left to breathe.

Seriously, if it isn't cool when I go in tomorrow morning, I may just kill someone.

T-out.

Sometimes I just want to kick it old school, Yo

2005-06-06T23:34:00.000-03:00

I'm serious as Cancer when I say Rhythm is a Dancer.

Setting: May 1992, Nova Scotia High School Drama Festival.
Mood: Awkward

Background: I fancied myself a thespian in high school, and every year there was a Drama festival held at Dalhousie University for all the high schools. That was really the best part. It was 3 days at University, walking about feeling all snooty & mature. That year our play was The Quiet Room, or something like that. We wrote it ourselves. Our play was full of all the cliche-ridden angst you can imagine. Essentially, the play was set in an asylum and the characters were a diverse group of psychologically damaged gals. I'm not quite sure of the message of the play, it was more about having fun playing crazy people. My character was a teenage girl who talked to her dead brother Tommy. She had been babysitting him when he was killed and she felt so guilty that she went the way of the nutter and continued to chat to him. I'm sure our play sucked, but we thought it was brilliant.

The plays were shown at night, during the day we had different workshops. Improv for Dummies, Playing Dead; The Art of Soap Acting those sorts of things. In one of my workshops I met Scooby. I don't remember his real name, only that he wore a hat with Scooby Doo on it. He was a dreamy. It was 1992 folks, he was GRUNGY, and I thought he kicked it with a capital K! He was a small guy, had that I'm the shit attitude, wore a vintage T under a plaid shirt with baggy ass jeans and BIG BLACK DOCS, and that HAT! I was smitten.

Oh oh its a passion, Oh Oh You can feel it Yah

At the end of the festival, there was a dance. I was drunk. (Another perk about it being at a University) and I made my move when Snap hit the Much Video Dance screen. I slither over to Scooby, and using my VERY limited pick-up skills I asked him to dance. And I was SHOT DOWN. Jerk. But really, Rhythm is a Dancer, Tracy? Could you not have waited until some slow U2 song came on? Whatever, I went back to drinking my vodka in the 7-Up can and proceeded to get over him, which I did. Very Quickly (afterall the festival was over that night). Besides he went to school in Dartmouth, and no self-respecting Bagtown gal would date a boy from Dartmouth!

So ya, when I hear that song, it just takes me back.

T-Slo out.

Etiquette 101

2005-06-05T15:16:00.000-03:00

How to make an Impression at a backyard bbq with 20 people you don't know:

Take a big gulp of frothy blender drink and PROMPTLY shoot said frothy beverage out of your NOSE!

Hey I never said it was a good impression.

To Dress Or not to Dress?

2005-06-02T00:17:00.000-03:00

I have been spending far too much time in the malls lately. And why you might ask? Because I am looking for an outfit for a wedding I'm going to. And its for purely selfish reasons that I want to look good. Its because I'm going to be there ALONE. And I was thinking that if I looked good, I wouldn't look like I had to be there alone, but rather that it was by choice.Which it is, well that and the fact that its in Nova Scotia and I will be flying solo (other than little sis, who's in the wedding). Anyway, I somehow got it into my THICK THICK head that my outfit should be a dress. Not a skirt and top, but a dress. A pretty, flirty summery dress. But here's the problem, and the cause of my mall madness:

I am (dare I say) ahem... a little top heavy. I gots me some big melons okay. And so dresses that fit everywhere else, only zip up halfway up my back. And yet I keep trying them on, and they keep getting stuck somewhere around my ribcage. And as I cart armload after armload of dresses into the teeny change rooms, I get more and more exasperated!

I have just come to the realization that perhaps a skirt& shirt is the order of the day. "What took you so long dumbass? Have you not had the same body forever? Have you not always struggled with this issue? Does the fact you own but one dress, not any indication? Don't you remember that the evil clothes-making people have it out for you?" DUH!!!!

How soon one forgets when I get these visions of me floating into the wedding reception in my gorgeous flouncy dress, looking all that, flipping my hair over my shoulder and winking at that handsome single cousin-of-the-groom who is also there from Ontario, and is a doctor and is seated right next to me and who wants nothing more than to spend the evening telling me how wonderful I am and.....and....whew.. Wake up TRACY! Sorry bout that folks.

So back to the mall I will head this weekend, with the aim of finding the perfect summer SKIRT and TOP, and stop being such an idiot.

T-OUT

I'm NUN too impressed

2005-05-28T20:01:00.000-03:00

I went to my book group last night at the lovely Jojo's. We've had this book group for awhile, and its membership has dwindled, but I think really the best people remain anyway, so its fine with me. And even though I didn't read the book, I went. That is how great these ladies are, they don't give you shit (well not too much) for not reading the book, and even listen when you have an opinion on a topic that may or may not be relevant. There is always lovely snackies too.

The book was Lying Awake. I don't know who it was by. Like I said I didn't actually read it. Anyway, the ladies say it was decent. Basically the story is about a nun who has "visions" which are really caused by epilepsy that she didn't know she had. So this nun is in one of those cloistered orders, when they live isolated and have silence and walk about saying vespers, praying for 18 hours a day and such. And it made me question what these types of nuns are really doing? Let me make it clear that I'm not a catholic, or a religious person of any kind. I don't do church, I don't even do god, so maybe I'm being cynical on the whole topic, but what the hell is their purpose? I know that most nuns are not like this, most nuns become nuns as a way to become closer to god, and to be active in the community, helping people, teaching, counseling etc. And I greatly respect that. I think its great. Its a very commendable undertaking.

But the orders of nuns (and monks too) that basically lock themselves away to commune only with god, seem almost selfish. They do nothing but pray? For what exactly? If their whole purpose is to have some divine relationship with god, do they think they are better than other people for doing so? If they don't then why is it so important to them? And when they meet their maker, what do they really have to offer? Sure you didn't do any evil unto others, but you didn't do any good unto others either. As I see it, not much is actually accomplished with these orders. And if its a haven for those running away from their lives, they won't receive any actual support from other nuns as they have to suffer in silence.

In the book (apparently) the nuns weren't even happy. Perhaps if they were allowed to have a Kitkat every once an awhile (not to mention a nice glass of Reisling), their path to divine salvation would be more enjoyable.

I did however, love the idea of the "accusations". The nuns stand up and accuse each other or themselves of indiscretion.

"I accuse Sister Bernadette of whistling in the hall"
"I accuse Sister Josie Grossy of picking her nose"
"I accuse Sister Betty-Loo of shouting obscenities a the birds shitting on our birdbath"
"I accuse myself of ordering Victoria's Secret lingerie off of ebay"

Could you imagine people just did that at work or school or church? Wouldn't that be a riot!

T-slo out.

Well now that I'm Scared...

2005-05-19T22:29:00.000-03:00

I'm just watching CSI, and bloody hell, is it scary! This poor bloke is buried alive AND being eaten by ants, could it be worse? For me it would be SPIDERS! Anything to do with spiders. I'm irrationally scared of them for sure. I have nightmares about them, I can't even look at pictures of them without getting all freaked out and shivery.

When I was about 7 or 8, I had a supscription to a kids magazine called Highlights. It was a kids educational mag, full of puzzles and nature articles and science facts and literary facts. I LOVED it. It was so cool getting a magazine in the mail that had MY name on it every month. I cherished the thing. So this one month, I come home to find that the magazine has arrived, and I tear into it, ripping off the plastic cover, and eagerly opening it to the first page. Then I flipped through it looking quickly at each page to see what I want to read first. I still do that now. Sometimes I read a magazine from the middle to the end and then the beginning. Finding out why Lindsay Lohan looks so damn skinny is definitely a first read over Oprah's new house, which is still important just not as much. Anyway, I rip through Highlights like a kid at Christmas, and then I see it:

A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER

There is a two page spread on that evil creature, with quick facts and a big glossy color photo. I was instantly terrified, dropped the magazine and actually cowered behind my mom. Then I bravely picked up the magazine, carried it to the rec room and hid it under the cushions on the ugly gold chair. A few days later, I had forgotten about. Sure I missed out on doing the word search and reading about how to make a tornado with a pop bottle, and what koala bears ate, but it was worth it, I was free! Well until a few weeks later...

Evil Younger Sister, age 4 finds said magazine. EYS is not afraid of spiders. EYS knows, however that Otherwise Strong And Powerful Older Sister, is terribly afraid. EYS finds OSAPOS hanging out watching the Bloodhound Gang on PBS and shoves the picture in front of her face. OSAPOS promptly screams, and takes off with EYS close behind. Its true folks, my little sister scared the bejeesuz out of my with a PICTURE of a spider. A picture! Then she hid it in her room somewhere so she could bring that out anytime I was being not-so-nice to her. I don't know whatever happened to that issue, but let me tell you, I was so careful when I got the Highlights from then on.

So yes, spiders scare me. What scares you?

What do you mean its temporarily Out of Service?

2005-05-17T21:15:00.000-03:00

Cable's Out! And its May Sweeps. There is finale after finale, and my cable is out? Its just madness I tell you, MADNESS!

I am a TV addict. I love my shows, I love other people's shows, I love shows I only see once, but don't really like, but watch anyway. I love the background noise. It is driving me crazy right now, because all I hear is the tip tap typing of my fingers hitting the keyboard.

It is so quiet in here, and now when I talk out loud to myself, I actually startle myself. Is there someone else here? Oh no, its just me, thinking out loud about the last time I ate chocolate. That would be 4 days folks. I am trying to lose a couple of pounds cause I am heading to Nova Scotia the end of June and seeing my friends for the first time in a couple of years. Plus I'm going to a wedding. My sister's best gal is getting married and Tan is in the wedding and since I'm going to be there, I may as well go right?

So I have to find something to wear, and that is the hard part. I wish I were one of those people that has an actual wardrobe. You know, like our mothers do. Aren't I right? Our mom's have the selection of dresses or skirts that they can pull out for such an occasion. I have like one dress, which is black and not what I want to wear. I don't even really like it that much. I wore it once, to a wedding of course, 2 years ago. And while I am often praising the lord that I haven't yet become my mother, part of me thinks, having that wardrobe might be nice. Be not mistaken, for those of you who know my mom, I don't want her ACTUAL wardrobe. Northern Reflections just ain't my style, but you know what I mean. I don't have that mix of work and casual and dressy clothes, summer or winter, they are all just my clothes. I wear them all pretty much. There are only a couple of shirts that I wouldn't wear to work because my GIRLS are on display, and well I don't think the office needs to see that. I mean, they are distracting, how would anyone get any work done? LOL

Hold on while I check to see if the cable is working yet. NO! SHIT! This is crap. Well I guess I'll go read or clean or something. Blah.

T-out

Just Wondering...

2005-05-14T20:07:00.000-03:00

Why does the left sleeve of my T-shirt smell like shit. Literally it smells like shit. There is no shit ON it, I didn't rub up against shit as far as I know, yet it smells. And no where else on my shirt does it smell. Why? And seriously, why can't I stop smelling it?

Lazy Dazy

2005-05-14T17:32:00.000-03:00

That's what today is. I am a lazy bugger! I walked in the door this morning after being out all night. (And before any of you start "whooohoooing" over that, I must report that I spent the night at my cuz's cause it was late and I drank a bit etc.. There was no wild partying and promiscuity. I know its a let down, move on).

But I did have fun, we had a wonderful feast of goodies. I don't know about anyone else, but nothing gets me excited like nibbling (on Food! geesh-get your minds out of the gutter - this is family friendly here). I must give a shout out to Aim for imparting on me the joys of the nibblies! We're funny though, cause A & I planned to go out to dinner but instead got sidetracked at the grocery store and ending up buying all these goodies to make at home, then we headed to the LCBO for some choice beverages. Whipped up a lovely array of food (well A did most of the whipping - I did more BASIC things like cutting veg and arranging cheese on a tray). Anyway, it was a nice little evening.

Oh ya, so back to this morning - I walk through the door, I head to the fridge for some DC, I plop on the couch and lay there for half an hour, then feeling more tired I move to my bedroom, slip into some jammies and crawl into bed for a couple more hours, then I get out of bed, head to the kitchen for some more DC and some ice cream, I get dressed*, then I head to the couch for a few more hours, watch a movie, talk on the phone and that brings me to now.

LAZY! But oh so nice.

And I don't even know if I will actually leave the house today, its grey & rainy outside, and its cozy in here, and what could be more perfect for a day like today than curling up on the couch with a book or a movie. I'll be in until my supply of DC runs out.

T-out.

* getting dressed implies that you are actually DOING something, or could do something at any given moment. Even when laying on the couch watching a movie, it shows that there is an actual activity going on. In contrast, lounging in pajamas all day means you quite possibly just emerged from your bed and are doing nothing at all. You may as well still be sleeping. For the record, sweats do constitute "getting dressed". If you are a woman and regularly wear a bra, a bra must be on for you to be considered dressed. If not, its like you are just wearing thick pajamas. Underpants are optional.

Bad blogger but Good Movie watcher

2005-05-11T20:47:00.000-03:00

Oh the shame. I am a bad blogger. I don't understand it, I always have SO much to say throughout the day, on topics ranging from reality TV shows to how annoyed I am when men giggle. Really, truly its annoying and weird. But alas, I have not written a post in nearly a week, and all I could come up with this time is what a bad blogger I am. I can't have it end there - Okay topic, movies I've seen in the past week:

I saw the Grudge last night. Yeah I know its been out for ages, it took me this long to find someone to watch it with me. I was all excited (and scared at the same time) to see the movie, and it sucked. Blah. The little boy was freaky, but the creepy girl looked like claymation. Whatever.

And I saw Kingdom of Heaven. I liked it. I begrudgingly admit that I thought Orlando Bloom did a good job. I went to see it with the world's biggest Orlando fan. This girl can fit an Orlando reference into virtually any situation. " Hey this nacho chip looks like Orlando, see those pointy bits, they are like Legolas' elf ears" or "Hey, that guys hair is blowing like how Orlando's did in minute 124 of Return of the King." or "Orlando likes his soup with bits of cracker crumbled in it and he wears only white undies on Thursdays". You get the idea, She is very KNOWING of all things Orlando. Anyway, movie was decent. I thought the editing was a little choppy and that kind of bugged me, and the characters were a little flat, but all in all, a nice spectacle.

And on VE day, I watched like 3 WW2 related movies on the History Channel. What can I say, I'm a nerd. But I do love those human dramas. And war is so foreign to me, it really makes me think about how terrible people can be to one another, and at the same time, how so many heroes come out of it. How many people overcame such tragedy. I can't imagine it, and I wonder if I would be one of the strong ones, the fighters. Can you believe that WW2 ended only 60 years ago? When you watch those movies and see those documentaries, it seems like such a different world. But its not is it? People are still fighting over land and religion and race and greed.

Now I've gone and gotten all serious. On that note, I shall go and see what guilty pleasure I can find to watch tonight. Anyone know what channel America's Next Top Model is on? I can't help it folks, I'm so addicted.

T-out.

Mostly smiles.

2005-05-04T20:06:00.000-03:00

These are things that have made me smile so far this week:

1. I'm moved - and it was FINE. A little hectic and little painful. I'm still waiting for my calves to forgive me for carrying some stuff up 7 flights three times because the elevator was occupied and I didn't want to wait.

2. My kitty likes the balcony and has had some good times rubbing her body all over it.(whatever - its cute). Also right now she is curled up and purring on my desk. Awww.

3. Luka said my name. Sort of. But she's cute so it doesn't really matter. The fact that she smiles and throws her arms up when she sees me is enough....for now.

4. The OLDIES got the boot off Amazing Race. FINALLY!!!! I am so happy I could cry.

5. I hung some curtains all by myself and they are actually straight! I also hung some pictures, but that didn't go as well. I actually wanted to hang a shelf in one spot and now there are 2 holes in the wall cause I could not get the screws in - so i hung a picture there instead (but you can still see the holes - oops).

6. No sludge in the new fridge. I once moved into a place that had a layer of unidentifiable sludge in the bottom of the fridge so thick I had to use a spatula to lift it off and then an entire bottle of Fantastik to clean it. This fridge was A-OK!

And making me frown was:

1. My calves (see above).

2. I polished my nails and then promptly ruined the polish. Dammit.

3. I can't find some parts to my shoe rack. (YET. ) Shhh, don't tell my sis - but she might have something with the whole labelling your boxes when you move thing.

4. The adjustment period for the kitty - she is whiny in the mornings.

5. The Super yelling at me today for not filling out the repair form when I saw him in person to tell him of a bathroom issue, "Tracing, I tell you already. I explain you must fill out form and we get repair for you" But I mean, I love the accent so it actually made me smile.

So that its - not too much going on. I took 3 days off and unpacked and relaxed and just enjoyed some nice time away from the office. Pretty uneventful, but enjoyable nonetheless.

T-out.

Moving On Out

2005-04-30T23:16:00.000-03:00

I am surprisingly calm, and I think I'm prepared. Of course what I would consider organized and what the Chief (Navy Dad) would consider organized may vary slightly. But I have boxed up the kitchen, and packed all my clothes & goodies and even sent 3 bags of stuff to the goodwill.

My sister told me today that her and mom were discussing my haphazard packing method. Unlike my sister, who has special labels and sharpies, and a tape gun for her moves (she even labeled all her things for a move within the same apartment building - she's a moving over-achiever.), I'm more of a toss-in-a-box-and seal-it-up kind of packer. So when I open up my "kitchen" box, its contents might include:

3 bowls
4 mugs
4 plates
Oven mits
Lip balm
My hydro Bill
Some cuticle cream
Mittens
A CD Case (no idea where the actual CD is)
Some cat toys

Anyway you get the picture. And to my sister - I say SO WHAT! So what if I have to keep moving around the apartment to put things away. I need my exercise. Plus its like a surprise in every box! Like Christmas, Or my birthday. And while I'll admit that my hairbrush has no place in the box with my silverware, At least I'll notice it when I'm unpacking it right?

And so tomorrow is the big moving day. Navy Dad and mom are coming to help. Plus some others, so hopefully it will go fast, and with little tears (from me - when Navy Dad yells at me for being a disorganized mess). Nah - It'll be FINE. A couple of hours - And I'll be finding a new home for all my junk.

night y'all. I'm off to have dreams of plastic totes and bubble wrap....
T-out.

Its a Black Sabbath day...

2005-04-24T14:31:00.000-03:00

One of the weirdest things a man has ever said to me:

"You look like Ozzy"
"huh?"
"Ozzy Osborne, you look like Ozzy"

I ask you, what does one say to that? I look like a twitchy aging metal-head?

People of the world - please join me in cursing the drunk-ass MOFO who had the nerve to say something so vile. Stone him if you want. Pull out his fingernails one by one and stick him in a room and force him to listen to the Clay Aiken CD all night. Because I'm blonde, I'm cute and dammit, I'm A GIRL. And truth be told, I looked friggin hot last night.

SAY IT AIN'T SO

2005-04-20T20:14:00.000-03:00

OLD PEOPLE still on Amazing Race. It was all I could do last night, not to stick my head in the oven. The annoyingness of it all is overwhelming.

You can call me Tracy or....

2005-04-20T19:49:00.000-03:00

Perhaps you'd like to address me by:
My Stripper name: Butterfly
My Porn Star Name: Busty de Lusty
My Hippie Name: Magnolia
My Irish Name: Aishling O'Farrell
My Japanese Name: Umeko Hayashi
My Rejected Crayon Name: Spank Me Pink
or
My Hip Hop Name: T-Slo

If you are one of those people who talk to my chest while pretending to have a conversation with my face, perhaps if I told you my boobies names, you'd feel less bad about staring at them: Their names are Dinner and Dessert. They like long walks in the park and Ocean breezes thank you very much. When heading down South, its Love Muffin if you please.

I'm only 40% normal (no surprise there), I'm a Russian at Heart. I should have been born in January and my 80s theme song is Push It by Salt n- Peppa.

This distraction brought to you by www.blogthings.com. (Thanks Bente!)

T-Slo Out.

I love Spring...honest.

2005-04-17T13:53:00.000-03:00

Its days like to today that can sometimes get me down about being a single gal. It is a gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous day outside. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and its finally Spring! And days like today are the perfect opportunity to go for a lovely walk. But it can be so BORING by yourself. There is a beautiful park, with trails winding around the bay, that is perfect for a nice long walk. There are happy couples strolling hand in hand, moms and dads laughing as their little ones frolic in the grass, sporty people doing their rollerblading, people walking their dogs and everyone smiling. And hey, I know that sometimes going for a walk by yourself is absolutely lovely. But it would be nice to have the option of sharing your walk or not. I can get all gung-ho about going for a walk and end up walking to the convenience store, buying a diet coke and coming home because I feel bored at the prospect of a lonely walk.

But I should consider the alternative. I could, for instance, be a Vampire. There would definitely be no sunny day walks, AND I'm pretty sure it would be hard to get dates.

T.
PS. I'm heading out the door, to go for a walk. I'll likely be back in five minutes, but I am determined to enjoy the Spring.

Under Wear?

2005-04-14T13:51:00.000-03:00

Picture this if you will:

I head off to the small gym in my office building afterwork with a co-worker, H. Its really small, there is only one of each machine, but there is never anyone there afterwork cause I think most people go before or at lunch. There are two change rooms, one ladies, one mens each with a shower. But no bathroom. For that you have to go out and down the hall. Along the wall are 2 rows of lockers, which aren't really lockers, but more like cabinets. They have keyholes, and there is one or two that are locked there, but for the most part, they are there for you to hang up your stuff while you work out. I know you don't care, I'm just getting you set up, so you can fully envision the scene. Okay. So H and I head to the lockers to hang up our coats & purses etc. I open locker #9. Its in the middle, I always open this one. I don't know why, its just habit. Keep in mind that we are alone at the gym. There are clothes in it. UGH, I think. That sucks and smells. BUT WAIT! Are those underwear hanging in there? Dirty man tighty whitey underpants just hanging there, reeking of icky I-just-worked-out-hard- and -the- sweat- pooled -in-my- nether- regions man smell. It was not pretty. And it was just hanging there in a locker, with no lock, in an empty gym, in an office building, inhabited by women, who may want to use the gym, and in fact use the gym often, and most definitely do NOT want to see dirty smelly underwear hanging in locker #9.

So now I am left wondering what did the guy wear OUT of the gym? Did he go commando? Did he have a clean pair? Are those his workout underwear? Does he just wear them to workout? If so, doesn't he wash them in between wearing? And if he does wash them after wearing them, why did he leave there? And part of me really wants to know who it is, so H and I can chastise him, and perhaps leave nasty notes on his car, but part of me is thinking not knowing might be better. I mean, what if he's cute? What if he's my soul mate? What if leaving stinky underwear in the locker is his ONLY flaw. I would hate to lose out on my summer romance guy* because of that....But then again, what if I didn't know, and then if we did fall in love and moved into together and I find out that he regularly leaves his dirty underwear lying around ? Or has even grosser bad habits. What then? So perhaps I should just call off going to the gym altogether.

Okay, upon reflection I think I may have overreacted, not about the underwear, no, that is just plain vile. But about the gym thing. I need to go to the gym, so I will keep going, but I will never again open locker #9. And to any co-workers who read this an go to the gym downstairs, I advise you not to use that locker. (And well if you are that stinky underwear person, I advise you to not be so disgusting).

Thats all folks.
T- out

*I went to a tarot card reading in Feb and Psychic Joan told me I was going to have a summer romance.

And on the 12th day...

2005-04-12T20:18:00.000-03:00

I finally sign a lease for new apartment! Whew. I was starting to get worried there. I always do this to myself though, leave things to the last minute. I put in my notice to my current landlord 60 days ahead, but I leave the actual searching for a new place until now. Stupido!

Of course part of the problem is that I can't afford the apartment I REALLY want, so I was getting all discouraged when I'm hoping for a jacuzzi tub and a sunken living room, and all I see is a beaten up tile floor and a 30-year old tub. But the place I settled on isn't that bad. It has a nice little balcony, a good size living room and its on a quiet street. Some people love looking for new apartments, I hate it. I find that you have to make a decision so fast on whether you want it or not, and its so much pressure. I picked my current apartment from the 2 minute tour I had, and when I moved in, I found out it didn't have any closets. Yuck. So my vacuum sits in my living room and my junk is all out in the open. One time, a friend and I rented an apartment that had no kitchen drawers. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Where does one put their silverware? Its so something you don't check or don't notice. But you live and you learn. This place has closets AND kitchen drawers. I know. I checked. I looked at so many places though, so hopefully the one I signed the lease for, is the one I remember. That would suck eh? Also I just HAD to pick this one, cause the landlords are Russian, and say my name like this "Trraacing, you sign lease and pay rent, okay?" I love it. (well except when I was asking a question about when I could move in and the husband just nodded and said yes... ).um Okay.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll get in there on time. Now all I have to do is start packing. If I could snap my fingers and it could magically be done like Mary Poppins or something, I'd be REALLY FRIGGIN HAPPY! And then I'd start snapping my fingers like crazy to see if I could make other things happen. Like making bags of money appear, or making my ass disappear. I would hate for my magic abilities to be wasted on packing you know?. But those of you who know me, know there won't be no packin gettin' done till the eleventh hour. And I'll be complaining the whole time. And to those of you who get late night calls about how I hate doing this shit, I sincerely apologize in advance. But don't you think about screening your calls! I'll get you, and I'll make it look like an accident.

Cheers
T.

When I was your age.....

2005-04-06T19:46:00.000-03:00

Not too much going on in my world these days. But there is a very important question that has been weighing heavy on my mind:

Why are the old people still on Amazing Race?
Call me ageist if you must, but they are driving me bonkers. The little old lady fell last week on her face and had to get stitches, so its all scabby. And she's got a whiney voice that is grating on my last nerve. The little old man, looks all wrinkly in his tank top, no one wants to see your white chest hair, for godsake, put a shirt on. And they keep screwing up, yet they keep making it to the finish line just in time so as not to get eliminated, and then they have to TALK about how they are older than everyone else and overcoming obstacles and blahdy blah blah. I can't tell you how much I was praying that their hummer would get trampled by an elephant last night. They are actually surprised that the race is hard. It's a RACE! Do you see 68 year olds doing potato sac races against the 25 year olds at the town fair? No you don't. And why is that? Cause normal old people realize that in a race, they won't win, or worse they could hurt themselves. At the beginning of the Amazing Race when the people are explaining why they think will win, the old people ALWAYS say that even if they don't have strength on their side, they have wisdom and experience... But they 'forgot' the memory loss and boringness. Old people on reality shows want to make their kids and their grandkids proud, so they don't backstab, or cheat, lie, or try and run another team off the road. They are just plain boring, or they can't remember that there is a million dollar prize at then end. Either way. UGH.

I hate the oldies this season, I hated them last season too. Its like they have to put in the token old couple, just like they put in the token gay couple. But the token gay couple is always so much better, for one thing, they are funny and they are young and don't say things like, 'We're so much gayer than everyone and look how far we've come'. Please, put the old couple out of their (and my) misery.

Whew. It had to be said. For the record, I don't dislike old people in general (except when old people refer to each other as 'Mother' and 'Father' ), just those who choose to participate in reality shows. Enough already!

T.

When Freaks go shopping.

2005-04-02T18:07:00.000-04:00

I am SHORT. Of course I realize this. I have always had these really short legs. My pants always have to be hemmed. But I did not know that I had freakishly short arms. Obviously my arms are not long, seeing as I am short, but not (I don't think) disproportionately so. So I am at a store today, trying on a cute little green cardigan with 3/4 length sleeves. And surprise, its too Long. But here's the kicker, its not too long as a 3/4 length sleeve, NO. Its too long as a FULL length sleeve. WTF? I march over to the sales clerk, and ask her if they are mislabeled, perhaps they are full sleeves afterall. She replies " Like, they ARE supposed to be 3/4 sleeves, I see they aren't on YOU.", then turns on her heel and walks away, probably to tell all the other sales people about the freak she just met. Um Thanks, I'll just take my little arms stumps and leave then, your cardigans weren't that cute anyway. I silently curse my parents.

T.

Poor Bernie

2005-03-29T21:38:00.000-04:00

My poor Bernice. I had her to take her to the vet because she was peeing blood. Which is obviously, NOT a good thing. She spent the night there last night as they needed a urine sample, and she was not providing. I went to get her today after work, and she had just given them a sample at 4:30, so we had to wait for results. Then the results were inconclusive, so an X-ray was needed. Grr. Diagnosis: urinary Tract infection. Cure: antibiotics and new Food. Cost: $262. OUCH! That hurts. But what are you going to do? Thats how they get ya. Your kitty is all in pain and scared to death, you can't just say, "forget it". (Not that I would by the way.). It would be like a first class ticket to the fiery depths of HELL. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm already headed there, but right now, I'm still traveling coach.

Kitty is now shedding like a MOFO all over my one fur-free chair, but I can't kick her off it, she is finally relaxing.

Later,
T.

Easter Bonnets and all that Jazz

2005-03-28T19:20:00.000-04:00

There's nothing like going to your Aunt & Uncles house and seeing all your cousin's kids looking super cute in their Easter outfits, to make you think, Yeah, I WOULD like a baby. There's nothing like the five minutes following the Easter egg hunt with the kids all hopped up on Chocolate and excitement, to make you think, Yeah, Um, Maybe NOT.

Actually, the Easter afternoon was fun, the kids were cute and (mostly) in good spirits, the company was fabulous as always, and the FOOD! Yummy brunch food, all eggy and meaty and muffiny (though I confess, the whole Gluton-free muffin thang - No Thanks!). I think there may have been fruit, but once my eyes came in contact with the bacon, I had nothing but love for those greasy pork slices. Okay so that sounds gross. But it was really tasty and I only had two slices, okay fine, I had THREE. I can't take the interrogation. I definitely wouldn't last within the confines of CTU.

Then I had to sneak my hand into the kid's Easter baskets to steal some chocolate eggs, you know, so the kiddies don't get sick on too much of a good thing. Really, I was HELPING them. Okay fine! I wanted some candy. When you have your own kids, you can legitimately take their candy. Cousin Tracing has to be more Stelth in her approach. I find a nice hug and cheek squeeze can distract them long enough to reach in, and take something. But be warned, only go for the small foil wrapped eggs, anything larger or different, and you will be caught.

In case you were feeling sorry for me, not to worry, My mom sent me a card with $10 in it, so I could buy some goodies of my own. So, I did buy some Mini-eggs, and a cream egg and rented a movie, stuffing my face with Easter's sweet bounty.

And now that the chocolate is gone, I need to head back to the Gym. Ugh. Why can't chocolate be a food group dammit? More than that, why can't it be one of the building blocks of nutritional health? Why?

Happy Eater (oops..I mean EASTER),
T.

Dear Sweet Lady in the Security Uniform who Asked me for ID

2005-03-22T22:06:00.000-04:00

Dear Sweet Lady in the Security Uniform who Asked me for ID,

How did you know that I was down about turning 30? When I walked into the casino last night, and you practically jumped in front of me to stop me from entering, I'll admit, I was a little shocked. I looked around, thinking I must have done something wrong. But when you asked me my age, and I stood there for a second, bewildered, I thought, " Is this sweet lady, really asking me MY AGE?". Then as I sputtered out, 30, and you looked SURPRISED, I could have just kissed you. I hope you appreciate that I didn't kiss you, but you were so sweet for asking so I didn't want to scare you. Obviously, you could sense that I really wanted validation that I didn't look old. Thank you so much.

I have copied this letter to your casino supervisor because I really think you may have found your true calling. I am so proud of you and I think that your boss should know about it. It is a rare thing to find a career so suited to oneself. I hope you get to work the front entrance security booth forever. I am a little worried about you though because I thought you might have looked a little tired and I wouldn't want you to have to go on sick leave or anything. Are you eating healthy? Have you been sleeping well? I find that regular exercise, like walking or yoga will also help you live longer, and thus work at your dream career a little bit longer. Should I ever come to the casino again, I hope you will be there to ask me for ID, I could tell you really cared about my feelings.

Take care Sweet Lady,
Tracy (You know, the girl who you asked for ID)

P.S. If you are feeling under the weather, try Echinchea, it is really good for combating a nasty cold.

When THE GIRLS come out, You better RUN

2005-03-22T20:41:00.000-04:00

Dammit! Bernice just deleted this post by jumping up on the keyboard. It was good one folks, and now I'm really pissed off at that little furry bee-otch.

GRRRR. Okay, so here are the vital points of the post that got deleted by evil cat:
1. Tracy went out on Friday night with the girls, and "THE GIRLS"
2. Tracy was celebrating her birthday
3. Tracy had fun with gals and had nice dinner
4. Tracy drinks a lot
5. Tracy gets attention of many guys at hip pub-style bar with THE GIRLS
6. Tracy gets drink bought for her from guy across the bar.
7. Tracy drinks more, falls off barstool into the arms of guys sitting next to her, maybe more than once
8. Tracy hits on cutie bartender who brings the gals lots of drinkies
9. Friend tries to stop Tracy from giving bartender a coaster, with the following written on it:
Tracy, Phone # and YOU = YUMMY
10. Tracy gets mad at friend (not really), and vows to give it to bartender anyway
11. Tracy hands bartender coaster with her digits on it leans forward so Bartender can get better view of THE GIRLS, and says "So if you and your girl ever break up, you should call me"
12. Tracy, the girls, and THE GIRLS head home.
13. Tracy awakens next morning of broken memories of night prior.
14. Tracy is embarrassed, but laughs, she had fun.

So that was what the post was about, stop it Bernice! Now Bernice wants to delete this post too, maybe she is trying to protect my good name?

2005-03-17T22:05:00.000-04:00

My friend Jen just told me that if ever I switched teams, I would never be the "Butchy Lesbian". AWWWW. I could just kiss her (but not in the lesbian way). Some people just say the sweetest things.

Thirty is the New Twenty

2005-03-16T20:55:00.000-04:00

Today I am 30 and 1 day. I had put of writing about turning 30, cause believe me I was DREADING turning 30. And I've been driving my friends and family nuts with my negative attitude toward my birthday. I was actually going to have a nice celebration in TO which I called off, because I just didn't want to do it. I didn't want to have this big birthday thing. So yesterday, I awoke with some trepidation, after having not slept that great the night before, and looked at myself in the mirror, checked to see if I had suddenly gotten grey hair overnight (I checked the nooney too - you never know.) and thought, "YOU CAN DO THIS! " Not that I had any choice obviously, but I held out this secret hope that it wouldn't happen.

Let me clarify for all of you who are reading this thinking, "that bee-otch, I'm over 30, it ain't bad, what's her problem?", its not that I think 30 is old. I don't. My whole issue doesn't have to do so much with the actual age, but with what the age represents. Remember when you were a kid, and you thought about growing older, and you thought:

"I'm gonna get married when I'm 22 in Florida then I'm gonna have 2 kids, twin girls at 25 and their names are going to be Kathleen and Diana ( I was 14), and I'm gonna be a lawyer (WTF?) and my house is going to be big and blue with a pool in the backyard, and I'm driving a silver Porche."

Well, as childish as it seems, I kinda thought it might happen. I don't mean exactly the details, but I thought I would have a LIFE by 30. I thought I would have met a nice guy, I thought I would have a baby or two, and I thought I would have a house, blue or otherwise. up. And I don't have those things, so 30 was kind of getting me down. And despite all my peeps telling me about all the wonderful things I had done with my life, I just didn't believe it would be okay. That being said, rest assured my friends, I am OKAY. I made it through the day, with no tears. And as the title of my blog says, "Thirty is the new Twenty".

Actually, it turned out to be a nice birthday. I want to send hugs and kisses to all the people who sent me birthday wishes, cards and emails. I want to thank my sweetie-pie Sister for her awesome tribute to moi on her blog : www.iknowthismuchistrue.blogspot.com, I want to thank my co-workers for taking me to lunch, my friend for sending me pretty flowers, me ma&pa for taking me for a yummy Greek dinner and the presents.

Well enough of all this sentimentality, I'm going to go gorge myself on leftover birthday cheesecake. MMMM Cake (Thanks Mom)!!! I mean, hey I'm old now right, time to let myself go....

Wait, are my boobs saggier?? I gotta go check this shit out. later.

T.

Blame it on the Train

2005-03-13T15:27:00.000-04:00

I'm an asshole. Okay that might be a little too self depreciating, but hey its who I am. So yesterday I was supposed to meet a couple of friends in TO for outdoor skating but the universe was conspiring against me. Don't you hate when that happens. Psychic Joan, why didn't you tell me??? I had decided to take the train in, cause 1.driving in TO is retarded, and 2. I don't have a clue where there would be parking near Union. I think you can tell where this is going - I miss the train.

Reasons I miss the train:
1. I decide to straighten my hair with a flat iron, cause I want my hair to look pretty when it flys around while I'm doing face plants on the ice.
2. I can't decide on a pair of pants, cause all my jeans are saggy-bottom jeans, which is unflattering and I don't want to look like shite while skating. I know you're all thinking, "but she's just going skating..." yeah yeah I know, but I want to look GOOD. Finally settle on a pair of saggy bottom black pants. At least they aren't as bad.
3. Which sweater? Can't decide. AAACK. Then I pick a black one. Of course. Why I took so long to ponder this is beyond me. Don't I aways end up wearing the same sweater?
4. It snowing and my car is buried under a mountain of snow so I have to clean it off. The scraper is somewhere inside my car, buried under gym clothes and papers and empty tupperware containers and garbage.
5. Other people can't drive worth shit in the snow. I'm from the maritimes, we were born knowing how to drive in the snow. You learn it somewhere in between walking and talking.
6. Highway. snow plow. Fuck.
7. I'm heading into the station and stupid arse in front of me is in my lane, but not turning right like I want to, so I have to WAIT for the light to turn green before I can turn.
8. I pay. My conscience is my downfall. The train is on the honor system. 9 times out of 10, they don't come around to check if you have a ticket..but what if this is that one time. Dammit.
9. The train is sitting on the furthest track from the station. I bust a move, down the stairs, underground, run along, up the stairs onto the track.
10.It pulls away. FUCK! I feel so rejected.

So here's the real asshole part. I forget my friend's cell phone number. I don't call her on it that often, cause usually I talk to her while she's at home, while I'm at home. Cause we are at home a lot. Cause we have no life. (She'll be mad I grouped her in with my depressing existence. Angry comments by her to follow. tee hee). Anyway, I'm standing in the station, looking like an idiot trying my damnest to remember her number. Then I search in my purse thinking it must be in there somehwere. Its not. STUPID STUPID STUPID! I ask the ticket agent if there's another train or a bus or a canoe, anything, but there isn't for an hour. Well then I'm just pissed off, and feeling defeated. You know when you just give up. You're like " well thats it. I have to go home now. The gods hate me and will forever try to get in my way of skating with my gorgeous straight hair and pink lip gloss. I'm packing it in. its not worth it. Its OVER" . Plus I have to go home. In order to call her and tell her I missed the train. And if I go home of course, I can't go at all, cause by then it will be too late. Oh life is cruel. Actually Saturday afternoon train schedules are cruel and my saggy bottom pants are cruel and Canadian winter driving is cruel. Life just is what it is. So I head home. Blah.

I didn't even get a chance to dazzle 'em with my mad (cow) skills.

Resolution for the day: Carry my peeps' phone numbers with me at all times. (Notice how my resolution is not to spend less time on my hair. A girl has to have PRIORITIES).

Modern World

2005-03-11T23:33:00.000-04:00

YAY!!! I have finally joined the the rest of the friggin modern world. I have my very own a computer. Man this has been a long time coming. Its not the greatest piece of equipment, but hell I didn't pay for it. I whined and bitched and my work gave it to me in case I need to do work on the weekends. Now I won't have to go into the office if I get paged or something. This is fabulous because I hardly ever get paged. Oh the sheer joy.

I'm going skating tomorrow. Outside. In Public. I have not been skating in AGES, years, eons. I don't know if I even remember how to skate so it should prove to be entertaining for my friends. And possibly frightening for the unsuspecting kids out trying to enjoy an afternoon of winter sport. I have dug out my hot pink skating outfit, and have spent the evening sewing sequins on the front so I can look pretty while attempting my triple sow cows and stuff.

Can I just say that me and sports don't mix. I have never been athletic. When I was five my parents signed me up for softball or T-ball or some damn thing. I don't really remember why, but it probably had something to do with my little boyfriend (kid next door) being on a team. I wanted to do everything he did. Anyway, I sucked. Actually who knows if I really sucked. When you are five and in the outfield, grass is pretty interesting, so is scratching at your nose and ass, you aren't exactly honing any skills while picking buttercups. But really I just wanted to be at home because cartoons were on Saturday mornings, and we all know that CARTOONS are on Saturday mornings. DUH. So yeah, I whined that i didn't want to go it anymore. Pretty sad that I chose Loony Tunes and Smurfs over social interaction. Is this why I'm fucked up? Then there were swimming lessons, but I grew boobs a little earlier than all my friends... hell I grew boobs before half of the high school kids did (the girl half - haha)... and I didn't want people looking at me in my bathing suit, so that was out.

Well the DC is getting low, and I'm running out of steam.... and I just gotta get some fringe on my skating outfit, so ciao.

2005-03-07T17:24:00.000-04:00

You know that co-worker who out of the blue will make some random statement that makes no sense? Yeah, well I AM that co-Worker. God, I hate myself sometimes.

Darien and I take on the World.

2005-03-03T18:15:00.000-04:00

I THOUGHT I was open-minded. Turns out, I'm a closed off - unfeeling individual. Okay, so that's not exactly what the psychic said... it was what she DIDN'T say. I was all gung-ho to go to my first psychic reading. I have never gotten anything read, tea leaves, palms what have you, so when my boss said that her neighbor was having a psychic come in to do readings, I was all over it. So I go, to this woman's house whom I've never met, and to be not-so-nice, would never really want to meet, especially in a dark alley. But that is neither here nor there. I'm waiting my turn, and the other ladies who have already gone in, are chatting excitedly about what the psychic woman said. How she told them about future sucesses in careers and identified dead people they knew and that they were in a better place or watching over them... and I'm thinking "Wow, this is pretty cool".

So I'm up, in I go to meet Psychic Joan. I just know this woman is going to tell me when I'm gonna meet the man of my dreams and about that raise, and that my sweet dear-departed grannie is looking out for me from beyond the grave. Alas, it was not to be. I shuffle the tarot cards and put them into piles, Psychic Joan starts her reading... "lots of changes.... and education.... and a future move. " Okay.

PJ: Are you in school
Me: No
PJ: Are you going back to school
Me: God, No. (I went to university for 6 years people. I am DONE.)
PJ: Hmmmm. Well I see a lot of education.
Me: Okay?

She asks how old I am. I tell her. 29. She was puzzled.
PJ: I thought you were 18.
Me: Nope I'm 29
PJ: Well, um you are going to settle down but not for like 10 years.
Me: Like get married, settled down?
PJ: Yeah, with an older man.
Me: Who-hooo, like an oil tycoon?
PJ: No, a regular guy.
Me: Shit.

That was really it, nothing for me to go, wow this chick really knows stuff. It was all so GENERIC.

Anyway, the best part of my reading, was PJ telling me about my spirit guide, a blonde boy named Darien who plays guitar for me and protects me against knives. So basically the only reason I have all my digits, is because of Darien. "Thanks Buddy!". And here I am mocking the spirit world. I guess if I end up slicing my pinky finger off, it will be because I have pissed off Darien. "You know I love you, right" Play me a tune.

So that was my first reading, pretty basic and not anything good to look forward to, its just me and spirit guide for the next ten years, and then i get to settle down with a grey-haired "regular" guy. YIPEE!

Miss me?

2005-02-28T13:54:00.000-04:00

Well here I am, emerging triumphantly from my Den of Sick. It was a doozy of a week, comencing ever so gracefully last weekend with what I will term the "cheese incident", and culminating with an intense cold and flu-type thing, vomiting, headache and overall lousy feeling. I can honestly say i have not been that sick in a very long time. It really makes me appreciate feeling healthy. I will miss the one teeny benefit of the sexy voice that I got on the last couple of days of my illness, and am trying desperately to hold on to it for a few more days, but I will not miss the cloud I was hanging out in. I didn't even get to enjoy daytime TV, I was friggin falling alseep at every turn, or coughing myself into some sort of alternate universe where little invisible creatures hang out and stab you in the throat and head with red-hot knives. Okay, I'm a wimp I admit, but still.

And so I'm back to work, bright eyed and bushy-tailed. Well not so bushy-tailed. I mean, I did watch ALL of the Oscars! Ah the Oscars, I love 'em! I get so caught up in the glitz and glamour and seeing what the stars are wearing and who wins, and who gives a good acceptance speech and everything. Some comments:

1. A little disapointed in Chris Rock. Didn't laugh as much as I thought I would and was hoping for. I did like his bit about Bush and the visit to the multi-plex though. "I ain't gonna front the people".

2. The songs were terrible!!! Antonio Bandares? Are you kidding me? Do they really need people to sing here? How about just showing a clip on the movie its in with the song playing like every other award.

3. The Kates (Winslett and Blanchett) were gorgeous! Also Kirstin Dunst looked fab in her blonde bob.

4. Someone feed Renee Zellweger a friggin sandwich, and get her some glasses. Obviously she can't see a damn thing what with all the squinting. I am NOT a fan.

5. Let the people go up ON the stage to get their awards for crying out loud. It is their big moment, and oooh, they got to go to the aisle to say their piece.

6. Don't cut off the speeches of the best Actress! That's crazy. The big acting award winners should get to say their whole bit. It was rude to cut off Hilary Swank don't cha think? I really NEED to see Millian Dollar Baby now.

7. And finally, cause really I could be here all day... More movie montages! I love them, its cheesy I know.

So thats it for now. I'm feeling better, still sounding a little sexy and all wrapped up in Oscar gossip!

100% Profit

2005-02-18T13:48:00.000-04:00

I have a terrible memory. Well that's not entirely true. At work, I seem to have an uncanny abilty to recall where I have put random papers if they are not in the proper files (perhaps THAT is a problem?). But needless to say, when it comes to my own past, its a little fuzzy. I once asked my mom if something tramatic happened to me as a child and if I blocked it out. Perhaps I need regression therapy or something? She insisted that my childhood was really quite uneventful. Nothing so unsavory as to warrant therapy.

Its really all quite annoying cause my sister remembers EVERYTHING. She remembers all the mean stuff I did and said to her. She tells me that I told her about Santa Clause when she was six. And she can spout off stories like that when she was four I hid barbie's blue shirt with the sparkles on the collar in the air vent next to the chair with the flowers on it and there was a juice stain on the beige carpet that I did and tried to clean up myself by dumping an entire bottle of vinager on it... well you get the picture. And I've got nothing. No retort. No "yeah well, remember the time you did this..." Its just a haze.

But occasionally something will jog a memory. I suspect a lot of people are like that. Yesterday I was getting a can of Diet Coke (I am addicted people. It ain't pretty if I don't get my DC) and I used a toonie, and it gave me 4 quarters change. One of the quarters was a "horse" quarter. You know the ones with the Mounties. And it made me think about when I was a kid and we would go visit my grandparents ever summer. We lived in Nova Scotia, so we used to drive the 25 hours or so to the teeny town of Wheatley where my grandparents lived. By the way, if you've ever done the long road trip, especially in the days before air conditioning, you know that this was NOT a good time. My dad wouldn't stop unless HE had to pee. It was also the days before walkmans and gameboy, so we're talking reading, word searches and a hell of a lot of Eye-Spy. My sister and I would fight about who was taking up more room, and whose hot sweaty skin was touching the other. Sometimes one of us would slip down to the floor and pretend that it was comfortable to be squished into the little scoops, resting our heads on the hump in the middle. Obviously this was before seatbelt laws too.

Anyway, all year I would save up my horse quarters to bring on our trip to my grandparents. My grandfather collected horse quarters and kept them in a big tin canister all rusty with age. He would give me 2 regular quarters for ever 1 horse quarter. We're talking 100% profit here folks! It was an awesome deal really. I got extra spending money for going "uptown" to buy candy and treats at the store and my grandpa was happy with his growing horse quarter collection. I wonder if he still has it? Its a little sad, cause I can't remember when I stopped collecting them for my Grandpa.

Well, my DC is getting warm, and unlike my cuz, i like mine cold.

An origin of a Species

2005-02-17T16:31:00.000-04:00

The Species being my blog of course. Okay so quick post only cause I'm at work and should be working. Am in fact quite busy but just HAD to start a Blog this instant. And since I want to see what it looks like, I had to write something.

The name of this blog I owe to my co-worker Heather who just happened to tell me that I say "What's that Now?" about 50 times an hour whenever I haven't quite heard what's being said. Which is all the time apparently. I am a wee bit deaf, but I think my not hearing is really just selective listening. I also do variations on this saying, including "Who's that Now?" and "How's that Now?". Since she told me this just today, I have now realized, she's right. I'm annoying with my "What's that Now's" all over the place. But hey, we all have our things, and this is mine. Of course I have many other "things" such as the excessive use of quotes (okay that wasn't one, but I realized I do that too). I got problems, its true.

Anyway, my blog is for me, and for my family and for any other poor soul who just happens to stumble across it expecting something profound and fabulous. Which of course it will be. Oh.. another thing about me... I'm way too sarcastic for my own good.