Frankly, Thats Just Unrealistic: A Kong Review

I went to see King Kong this week. On opening night to be exact, Wednesday, late show. Not one of my better ideas since the movie was like, 3 bloody hours long, but I like to get out, and going to the movies IS one of my favorite things to do, so I went. Going to a long movie can be uncomfortable because of the whole bum-numbing, knee-locking, bladder-filling experience that comes from being confined in a small space with giant beverages. This one was a little like that, but not as bad seeing as I was pretty tired it starting at 10 and all. But like I said, I like going to the movies, so I sacrifice comfort for seeing a movie on the big screen, which is so much better.

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'm not giving anything away when I say that King Kong is kind of an ill-fated adventure/love story between a giant ape and a pretty actress. The King Kong island has a lot of crazy-ass things, like crazy-ass natives co-habitating with Dinosaurs and giant fanged bats and FUCKING HUGE INSECTS. Anyone who knows me, knows how friggin terrified I am of bugs, spiders especially, but bugs that are bigger than people just ain't right. If you are scared of bugs, you'll have your eyes closed, for like 20 minutes at least. I closed mine for 30, for good measure.

But here's the part that was really unrealistic...
When King Kong and Ann are back in New York City, they head on up the Empire State builing. Ann is wearing a satiny white sleeveless dress (she looks totally great). By the way, its December. Its really cold there. Women are dressed in fur coats and hats, men are in long wool coats and scarves. And Ann is in a sleeveless satin dress. Now granted, King Kong probably has pretty warm fur, so like when they are all cuddly, she is likely quite cozy. But when everyone is trying to kill the ape, and he leaves her on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, it just doesn't fly with me. She should be turning blue, her hands should be sticking to the metal rail of the ladder, her dress should be up around her waist from the wind, and frankly, I don't care how padded the bra is, her nipples should so be poking out.

I went to New York City the first week of November last year with my friend Theresa.

(Side note: Remember Theresa? Remember that one time when we were in New York, and we went to the Empire State Building? Yeah, that was cool. )

Anyway, yeah we went to the Empire State Building in November, and it was bloody freezing up on the observation deck. There was ice everywhere, it was super windy and it was at least 10 degrees cooler up there then on the street.

So it just burns my... burns my what...um.. BUNS? Is that the right term? I don't think so, but whatever, it just seemed so unrealistic and over-looked.

WHAT? Oh yeah, THAT. Okay Okay, Yes I do realize that the movie was about an undiscovered island with a giant ape, and dinosaurs and man-eating bugs and all that, which of course is not really very realistic either, but still. With all that time invested in making the the creatures look they were really running around in the jungle, you'd think they could have added some blue lips and hard nipples to the poor girl with no coat stranded on the top of the tallest building in New York. Seriously.

T-out

PS. I did actually like it well enough. And I did get to have a little cat nap during the buggy parts. So if you like action, big creatures trying to kill humans, A big ape trying to get busy with a human, and an apparent lack of chillyness in New York in the winter, then this is a good one.

T-out

MTV presents Newlydivorced

Nick & Jessica are over? NOOOOOO! Say it ain't so. Well damn, if they can't make it, who can?

One more thing.

When I was driving to work this morning, I look over to my right and there is a Cab next to me. The driver is holding up a magnifying glass to his eye. Does anyone else find that terribly alarming?

T-out.

To all my Bitches!

Hey guys! You are persistent aren't you? I'm here. I'm alive. And I'm at work late on a Friday afternoon. Boring eh?

Now that I've gone and gotten myself a new job I've been all busy and shit, trying to like manage people. Whew, its been a busy couple of weeks, but its totally worth it. My high life includes: an office with a view, my very own bookcase full of things I'm supposed to know about, shoulder-padded power suits, my minions bringing me scones with homemade strawberry jam and tea every morning... oh wait. That last part doesn't really ring true. But wouldn't it be nice? Hint hint to all you worker bees, managers like scones. and tea. Oh and the shoulder pads? Not so much there either. Apparently I have an abnormally small head* and shoulder pads would totally eat up my head.

Last weekend I went to Aim's (Hi Amy!) and played Scene It? I was totally drunk. I don't know it happened. Well I know HOW it happened, but I really didn't drink that much. Did I? Hmmm I had a couple glasses of wine. No prob. I had a couple of shots of Kaluha or Baileys or both. Okay. And a beer. or two. Nope, don't know why I was drunk at all. Remember when you could drink like a fish? A big pitcher of Long Island Ice tea and 4 double Rye & Cokes, then beer? 'member? Yeah me neither. For awhile I was a tequila girl. I would saunter up to the bar and just drink shots of tequila. It impressed the boys. Now, however, tequila has me fighting to keep my stomach from coming out my nostrils, which is equally impressive, just not in an attractive way.

Well I'm starting to fade out... I have to come in tomorrow and I'm so not looking forward to it. Ick.

Good night my Bitches!

* My head is small. Its short, like me. I can't find a hat that fits me to save my life. Seriously. If I had some sort of terminal illness that could only be cured by finding a hat that fits, I would die. Are earmuffs in fashion again?