Seizures, Rants& Accidents (is that too broad?)

My T.V. is doing this crazy rapid flashy thing between the show and snow and it is so totally giving me seizures. Fun! I've got a spoon next to me just in case I have to shove it my mouth to prevent the swallowing of the tongue.

Today was one of those days, you know? When everyone is just so annoying. Your co-workers are buggin ya, especially the "little man". Driving me crazy with his conference calls and inability to speak to clients ALONE. Gasp! Whatever dude. And then clients getting all up in your grill about the price of gas and my bugging them with emails when if they would just, I don't know, RESPOND for once, I wouldn't have to keep bugging them to make a decision, because frankly if I could predict where exactly the market is headed, I wouldn't be working for the man, I'd be chillin' at my mansion, eating bonbons while watching the hot pool boy clean my pool. But damn if my crystal ball has done gone and crapped out on me, so fuck off. whew. Just one of those days, I'll be alright.

In good news, today I got new car insurance for cheaper! yay! I hate that insurance rates are so crazy high. And my present insurance company would not give me a break even though I have gone 6 years without so much as a ticket. I say six years, cause well, although I've had my license for ages, I did have an accident almost 7 years ago where I totaled my car. A mere 2 weeks after buying it. I was devastated! But not hurt, and the truck I hit hardly had any damage and no one was hurt there either, so I guess that's something.

Well I'm off to torture myself on the stability ball - hoping to get some visible abs!

T-out.

"Honey, I'm headed to the store,where are my Daisy's?"

I'm feeling blue today. Yeah yeah I know, BORING. But whatever, its my blog and I want to be down and depressing.

But one thing did make me laugh, and then say "EW EW EW!" I was at the at the plaza renting a movie for tonight, cause its Saturday and I have no friends and I suck. Anyway after I rented Bride and Prejudice (for some reason I thought a movie about happy people in love will make me feel less depressed - yeah i was SO wrong). Anyway as I headed to the grocery store to buy California rolls and pineapple and diet coke*, I see this man in jean shorts. Yup. A MAN IN JEAN SHORTS! I know what you are thinking, "what's so gross about that?" But my friends, these were like short shorts. Like Daisy Dukes short. Like, his balls were visible short shorts. I am not kidding here. As he was getting into his car, his teeny weeny shorts were like, sliding up his leg, and there was a full-on-view of his unit. And people, NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE THAT. Also what made it more funny, was that this guy was all muscular and built but looked like a Dad or something and his shorts so totally had to be lady shorts. I wonder if it was a dare?

Anyhoo, I'm going to take my sorry-ass self back to the couch to watch infomercials. Its okay to feel sad for me and my patheticness. I understand.

* people always make fun of my food combos. I don't really care. i like what i like when i crave it so there.

T-out

Naked Traffic (just because I wonder if there are people who will google that and end up here)

Remember that game you play when you are drunk and you are with your friends, called WHAT IS WORSE?

You know, like what's worse, Sleeping with your tenth grade biology teacher who spittled when he talked and was always grabbing at his package OR, standing naked at a busy bus stop outside the mall?

Well today, I know what's worse than sitting in traffic boxed in by transport trucks. And it is sitting in traffic and being boxed in by one transport truck carrying pigs and one carrying horses, with a stench most powerful and dirt flying from them at your car( at least I HOPE it was dirt) and a car full of hot guys on your left who just totally caught you belting out "I would Die For You" by Jann Arden AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS.

And by the way, I would totally pick the sleeping with your teacher. Because really, you could deny deny deny. Who would believe him? But at the bus stop, you can't deny you are naked.

T-out.

Tuesday MishMash (be warned - nonsensical thoughts ahead)

Something I NEVER ever wanted to see on T.V. - Tommy Lee in a Speedo. MY EYES! Oh how they are bleeding. Can someone tell me what the point of the whole Tommy Lee goes to college show is? I unwittingly found myself watching (mostly cause I'm too lazy to go grab the remote off the sofa as I write this) and it makes me so sad that this is what television people come up with. What's next? Axel Rose Goes To Med School? And, doesn't this school have prerequisites for taking Chemistry or Physics? Cause um, I'm pretty sure Tommy Lee wasn't a science wiz in high school, like, 20 years ago, especially since he can't tie his own shoes. But hey, whatever trevor.

Random hate: I hate telemarketers, especially ones from my credit card company.
"We are calling select customers with this offer of extra protection?" Select customers my ass, only us stupid enough to answer the phone and actually admit we are who we are and not the babysitter.
"No interested". Not only not interested, but don't give a shit and am not listening. Tommy Lee is in a speedo so basically I am hearing blah blah wonk wonk, as my eyes bleed.
"But Miss Sloan, as you know, accidents can happen at any time, and this extra protection can help with unexpected costs associated with an unexpected accident. Yeah Yeah, what the hell are is he talking about here? Besides the fact that he pointed out that the accident would be UNEXPECTED, you know, as opposed to the accidents you expect, but just let happen anyway, for shits and giggles. But what accident? Peeing my pants? Well Visa need not worry, I have stocked up on UrineGone. My OWN extra insurance, for only $19.95!

Anyway, I have to go floss my teeth for a few hours. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning and I have about 6 months to make up for not flossing. Do I honestly think I can fool them? Of course!

T-out.

I could have thought of a better way to wake up this morning

Like waking up with some hottie snuggled up next to me, or my maid bringing me breakfast in bed, or it still being Sunday. But alas, I do not live in that world....

My alarm went off this morning at 7 as usual, and I snoozed it twice as usual. But alas, it was 7:19 and I really needed to get up, so I fly outta bed. (well maybe not FLY, it was Monday morning after all). Anyway, I did kinda jump outta the bed, and then mere milli-seconds after my right foot hit the floor, I felt an excruciating pain in my foot. Jumping around on one foot, I see that I have stepped on something, and that something is now IN MT FOOT! Its so far in, I can't tell right away what it is, and I have to use my nails to pull it out. It was a staple. The rod part, there weren't any bendy parts. It was one of those thick, Ikea- packing- cardboard staples. I bought end-tables last week, so it must have come from there. All week it lay in wait, plotting, organizing its attack. It avoided the menacing vacuum on Saturday. Clever little bugger. And managed to hide itself when I was picking up bits of paper that the vacuum missed. So sneaky. Of course it was waiting for Monday. Its the perfect day.

And so, after a restful weekend, and feeling pretty good this morning (well feeling good in the 30 seconds I lay in bed before the staple attacked me), up it goes into my poor foot. OUCH! The weirdest part though, was that after I pulled it out, I felt really light-headed. You would swear I was gushing blood, like that time I was attacked by a saw. But there was no real blood, a little bubble, which once wiped away didn't come back. But I hopped in the shower, and I thought I was seriously going to pass out. And then I thought about how embarrassing that would be, to pass out bare ass naked in tub, hit my head on the taps inflicting upon myself a major head wound, and then die. Alone. In my apartment. And where my cat would end up snacking on my body because noone was there to feed it. I heard cats do that. Anyway, to save myself that fate and to be able to look at my cat in the face without imagining her wanting to bite into my thigh bone, I shut the water off, and just sat in the tub for 10 minutes until the feeling passed (smart eh?). Anyway, it did pass, and I am alive, foot and dignity in tact.

Happily, I have nothing to show for it. No scars or anything. Mind you...how do you know if you have tetanus? Naw. I'm sure I'll be fine.

T-out.

I guess I should look into getting me some bran

Don't you hate it when you say something out loud, loudly, at work ,and what you say is actually a couple of sayings combined into one?

Yeah, me too.

Today I was getting all frustrated because my computer was not cooperating. When a co-worker asked if I needed it to do something specific, I meant to say either A) I don't care or B) I don't give a crap. Instead I loudly stated:

I DON'T CRAP!

cool.

Hey! 1998 called and they want those faded in the bum jeans back

What is it with those jeans? Why doesn't that trend die already. I saw a very pretty girl today in an adorable purple top, but adorning her booty were these jeans that had the faded bum. It looked like she had just sat in bleach . And it made her bum look big. Now granted, I was walking into Walmart at the time, and that could explain A LOT. And I myself am certainly no fashionista, but come on! However, if Sienna Miller can wear what she wears and people call her a trendsetter even though the clothes she is wearing are from the NO ONE WILL BUY THESE EVEN IF IT IS HALF-PRICE TUESDAY bin at the Goodwill, then hey maybe I should run out and get me some faded bum jeans.

Anyway reason I was in Walmart was to pick up pictures for that wedding I went to in July, and they turned out good considering I had forgotten my camera at home and had to use a disposable. I had taken "scenery" pics too of Halifax, and they didn't turn out as good since it was cloudy and rainy. IF i had a scanner I would show you, but I don't so I won't.

And I can't get the song "Jerimiah was a Bull Frog" outta my head. What up wit dat?

t -out

I am an Island

Wow. Okay. So I pretty much stand alone as far as creases in pants go. But I'm always willing to try out new things, so I shall have to give it a go and see if I feel classy. And if they make my legs look longer well then...

Next week I shall sport creases in my black dress pants. Feel free to compliment me if you see me.

T.

The Best Stress Reliever is Fudge. And Booze.

Been a while eh?

Usually I don't talk about work for fear of getting "dooced" and all, but I do have some news that I shall share. A couple of weeks ago I interviewed at a competitor. I told my boss about it, cause we have that sort of working relationship and she was saddened, and wanted me to stay. Obviously. I mean I DO rock the party. Anyway, I was offered the job, but my current company really wanted me to stay. But they couldn't give me any figures before the weekend So all weekend while I was at my mom and dad's I flipflopped, and made Pro/Con list after Pro/Con list imagining different scenarios and was still undecided. My company came through yesterday with an offer I liked. But I still had to decide. Can I just say that I HATE making decisions as it is. I can't decide between eating cereal or toast most mornings, so it was hard. But ultimately I decided to stay. And I am very happy with my choice. I do like my company for the most part, and believe I did the right thing. All the big boys at my office came up today to say how happy they are that I am staying. Nothing like a little stroking (ego that is). So yay!

On another note, I went to my parents for the long weekend and it was fun (apart from the job stressing). My auntie and uncle were there too, so we had a blast playing pass the Ace and drinking coolers and wine and Malibu Rum. Good times had by all. My mom made this absolutely yummy broccoli salad with all sorts of crazy things in it, like bacon and raisins and sunflower seeds. SO Delicious my friends. And my mom made her famous lemon squares AND fudge. Damn her and her f**king-fantabulous-fudge. Its so good I can't stop eating it. Everytime I passed by the dish, I grabbed a piece. Fudge is good y'all.

On Monday I got a shitty pedicure. Note to self: Do not get a pedicure in Chatham at the strip mall by Zellers.

Oh and another Note to self: Do not let dad iron your pants even if he does it without you asking while you are out getting a shitty pedicure and you are all delighted when you get back to see your blouses and tshirts neatly pressed, but then upon hanging the pants you find a military crease in them so sharp it gave you a papercut. I love him for ironing my goods, but no amount of ironing has removed that bloody crease. And I don't think anyone has told him lately, but creases are NOT COOL. Lately? what am I saying, have they ever been cool? But I love him for it. Who else's dad would iron for them without so much as an ask?

Well thats all folks.
T out.