Boblo A-Go-Go

I woke up at 5:27 this morning. I hate that. But I had cramps, and I had to overdose on Advil and put a heated magic bag on my tummy. Which is really kind of annoying when its 30 degrees in your bedroom and you've gotta put something HOT on your body. Anyhoo, this was my first thought:

What ever happened to Boblo Island?

Isn't that retarded? I'm pretty shady in the memory department, but I do believe I went there a few times when I was a kid and visiting my grandparents. Its an amusement park located (I think) somewhere between Windsor and Detroit on well, an island. I probably thought it was the cat's ass when I was a kid, but I looked it up on the internet and it looked kind of lame, and closed down in 1993. Why didn't I know this? I feel so out of touch.

I used to love going to amusement parks, but then always freaked out on the roller coasters. And I would scream at my sister for MAKING ME GO ON THIS DEATH TRAP as we rounded the first hill, and then shut my eyes, close my mouth and try to keep my stomach from Alienizing out of my throat. A couple of years ago, my sister came to visit me and wanted to go to Canada's Wonderland. Nova Scotia does not have an amusement park, they have Upper Clements Park which is so pathetically sad, it makes me weep.

We head off to Wonderland and she bee-lines for some retardedly big coaster with hills and loops and scaryness. And as chicken as I am, I act all brave and shit, and find myself strapped in next to her as we head up the hill and I scream at her for MAKING ME GO ON THIS DEATH TRAP, and she's all like "why don't you scream when you are actually on the ride, dumbass, it will make it feel better" So I start screaming before we even reach the top, a little early, but still. And you know what, she was so right. I loved it. It must be because you are releasing instead of contracting. All I know is I love roller coasters now! Thanks TAN!

Oh except for Stand Up roller coasters. Scary? Not unless you don't think being VIOLATED repeatedly by a bicycle seat for 3 minutes is scary. Tres uncomfortable.

T-out.

Urine Idiot

Okay, I just saw an infomercial for a product most odd.

UrineGone.

It eliminates pee odors ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE. Okay, why are you letting people pee all over your house?

Here's a testamonial "I Love Urine Gone!I bought it earlier this year; works great! will buy again but they need to sell by the gallon" Excuse me, BY THE GALLON? Oh and it comes with a blacklight so you can "find" the pee. Good times.

Here's a crazy idea. Stop having pissing contests on your living room carpet, then you won't need to spend $19.99 + $7.95 shipping and handling to get that urine gone.

I'm just baffled.
T.

Wine(ing)

I have a wee wine headache. So worth it though, cause I loves my wine.

A friend and I went to Niagara-On-The-Lake yesterday with the intentions of going on a winery tour at Hillebrand and just chilling in a pretty town. We missed the tour because we got caught up in the boutique area, picking out corkscrews and wine and longing (a little too long) for the really fun picnic-wine sets. But lets face it, I haven't been on too many picnics lately so what the hell do I need a romantic picnic set for?

Pause for a bitter singleton break.

Okay. So anyway we missed the tour but bought some nice wine. But we noticed that there were WAY to many kids there. Why on earth would you take kids on a winery tour? There is no play area. There is only vines and barrels and wine tasting. So ridiculous.

Kid: Mommy! I'm Bored.
Mom: But look at this, isn't this bottle neat?
Kid: I'm thirsty. I want a drink!
Mom: Sorry honey, this is for grown-ups.
Kid: WHAHHHHH. (as kid runs around like a maniac)

Yup. Perfect for the whole family.

But that area is so beautiful, a really lovely drive along the Wine route and the town is too cute. Ritzy Titzy as touristy towns tend to be, but great spot for a walkabout.

As I write this, it is thundering like a mother! I love a good summer rain, we so need it.

till later
T.

I slipped on my Pants! Honest! Why the interrogation?

Ouch. I hurt myself. I fell down on my arm on Saturday night at my Aunt's 60th Birthday party. Now its very bruised and scraped and it hurts. I'm such a wimp. But really, its quite painful. And though you may be thinking that I fell down cause I was drinking, its so not true. Well, its true that I was drinking, and perhaps the fact that I had a couple could have contributed, but I think I would have fallen if I was sober too. Definitely, Well...Maybe.

Anyhoo, I had taken off my shoes to dance and that made my pants too long so when I had to pee, and the toilet was in the basement of the place we were at, I went in my bare feet, with my long pants and I slipped on my pants and totally baled on the cement. Oucharoo! Oh and before y'all get grossed out thinking I was walking around at a bar or something in my bare feet, we were at this crazy hall in a museum, so it seemed pretty clean, and well I was drinking, so...

When I was in High School, I went drinking with my pals on the weekends, and since we were all underage and not resourceful enough to get fake ID's, we would drink outside. Chasing vodka or gin with a can of 7-up or Coke. One pint + One Can of Pop= Falling Down Drunk Teenagers. Good times. So this one time, it was rainy and gross and cold, and I was wearing my usual drinking outfit; Black hoodie, jeans and Docs. We were drinking in a crematorium. Classy eh? I was leaning against a tree and after drinking my mass quantities of liquor in just under 17 minutes, I proceed to take a jaunt around the stones. Well I took about 3 steps, stumble and fall flat on my face in a huge pile of mud. I was covered from head to toe. Did I go home to take a shower or change my clothes? HELL NO. I would have been so busted. Plus it was really funny.

So the next morning I come home, shove my clothes in a bag in the back of my closet. I decided I would wash them during the week when my parents were at work. No harm, no foul, No bust. But I sort of forgot about them. They WERE in the back of my closet. Until a week and half later when I came home from school, and my clothes were clean and folded on my bed. SHIT!

Mom (quietly): Why were your clothes all muddy? And why were they in the back of your closet?

Me (um not so quietly) OH MY GOD MOM! WHY ARE YOU SEARCHING THROUGH MY STUFF? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU? WHAT ABOUT MY FRIGGIN PRIVACY? WHAT ABOUT TRUSTING ME FOR CRYING OUT LOUD? GOD! I JUST FELL ON MY FRIEND ERIC'S LAWN. HIS PARENTS HAVE A SHITTY LAWN? IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE MY FAULT? JESUS."

Mom: Next time can you put your clothes in the hamper please.

Me: FINE.

Gotta love my Momma, She knew I was a shit, but let me do it anyway. And well, I would have done it whether she liked it or not. If I ever have kids, the teenage years will be the years my parents get their revenge.

But as I said before, this particular fall was from my long pants and uncoordinated feet, not the fact that I was drinking. Honest! GOD! THE HALL FLOOR WAS SLIPPY, IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE MY FAULT? JESUS! MY ARM HURTS, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

t -out.

Back from Hali (like Cali, only Foggier)

So I spent last week in Nova Scotia, and I'm finally posting, so stop bugging me y'all!

They say you can never go home again, and sadly I have to admit that may be true. While I still love Nova Scotia, it was definitely a different feeling being back. And my parents are no longer there, so I felt kind of homeless there. But here are the things that I enjoyed about my trip in no particular order:

1. Ocean - The smell of the ocean (which you can smell as soon as you step outside at the airport), and the taste in the air from the salt, and the waves crashing.
2. Scallops! And Mussels! YUMMY
3. The waterfront. I love walking along the Halifax waterfront and in Historic Properties
4. Seeing friends I haven't seen in ages and ages.
5. Kaiser subs. By far the best subs anywhere. And its in the fantabulous Bagtown (official home of fastfood and gas stations).
6. Seeing my sister. She was in a wedding, and looked great!
7. The wedding of Jen & Marc. The service was lovely, and the reception was suprisingly fun considering I knew about 3 people there (and they were in the wedding party). Tons of dancing and laughs.
8. "Some Hot", "Some Rainy", "Some Busy" Gotta love the East Coast lingo.

Things I miss, but didn't get to do, and feel a bit disappointed about:
1. Sitting on a patio (like Lower Deck, or Fife & Drum or Split Crow)having a beer and listening to a great Maritime Band.
2. Peggy's Cove.
3. A Donair. Nothing says lovin' like greasy meat on a spit.
4. Seeing more of the people I haven't seen in ages.
5. A drive, like down to the South Shore or to the Valley.

Anyway, I had some highs and some lows. But I'm back now, to my humdrum life and hot apartment.
T -out.

Reason 167 I'm Just a Little Bit Crazy

Today I had some lovely green grapes. They were so good. Juicy, and so tasty. Then as I'm reaching to pluck the second to last grape from the bunch, I see a spider! ON. THE. GRAPE! In a panic, I squish the spider with the grape, and proceed to dispose of the tainted fruit. Then it hits me. There was a spider on my grapes. What if it laid eggs in a grape that I already ate? What if those eggs are ready to hatch? What if my body is about to become a host for a very large family of arachnids? And I am not joking here when I say, that I was actually feeling VERY anxious. My finger tips were numb.

Now normally, I would know that stomach acid & lack of oxygen (thanks for the reassurance all!) would be an inhospitable environment for any insect. But when I see a spider, all logic flies out the window, and I can't stop thinking about them. So Of course I had to poll my co-workers on the likelihood of what I imagined to be an Alien-like hatching of spiders out of my gut. And I had to email my friend. And they all told me the same things. One: you are crazy. Two: No that isn't going to happen. So I feel a bit better. A BIT.

So totally going to have nightmares tonight.

T-out.